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This book is like reading Kafka on Ketamine

We’re living in Kafka’s world. Everybody from George Saunders to Terry Bisson has been mining a Kafkaesque seam of alarming strangeness. But what happens when you mix some especially odd story ideas with an almost supernatural sense of dissociation? You get something like The Miniature Wife by Manuel Gonzales, a book which feels as though…

Being Human adopts a werepuppy!

Last night Being Human adopted a brand new werepuppy. And like all new puppy owners across the land, Nora and Josh prepared themselves by buying a gun and taking off all their clothes (it’s for paper-training OBVIOUSLY). And while the happy couple was welcoming the newest member of their supernatural club, Aidan and Sally were…

A Woman Dancing In a Bikini and Four Other Stupid Things People Did to Get a Free BlackBerry 10

Look people, I know the BlackBerry Z10 looks great, but I just can’t believe that some of you are doing these stupid things to get one for free. Ok, five of you. https://gizmodo.com/sorry-apple-the-blackberry-z10-is-hotter-than-the-ipho-5979484 And I really mean that. I can’t believe it. I can’t believe that some Deborah St. Pierre decided to dance and pose…

Pluto just got denied planetary status AGAIN

Way over yonder in Berlin, Germany, the annual festival of media art and digital culture known as “transmediale” is just getting underway. This year’s theme: BWPWAP (Back When Pluto Was a Planet). Mike Brown, the astronomer who killed Pluto, was invited to speak at the festival’s opening ceremony, which included a debate over Pluto’s demotion…

Vela: Control Spotify With Your Voice

Siri isn’t all that helpful when it comes to doing stuff you actually want to do on your iPhone, like search Spotify for example. But a voice-control app called Vela can fill that void. What does it do? It’s a voice search app for Spotify and Rdio that lets you pick songs or entire albums…

Suddenly the feds aren’t so hot about T-Mobile merging with MetroPCS

A robotic tail that lets you express yourself like a dog

Japanese inventor Shota Ishiwatari has developed a robotic tail that tracks its wearer’s heart rate and wags accordingly. Called “Tailly” — worst name ever — the venture project has its own Kickstarter campaign. Ishiwatari has developed a prototype of the moving tail, which uses sensors on the inside of the belt to measure the user’s…

This Soft-Shell Helmet Bounces Back With Every Hit

Helmets have a relatively simple—if not imperative—job as far as gear goes: 1) don’t fall off and 2) prevent major brain damage. Given its limited roster of tasks, it’d be easy to assume that helmet innovation has probably hit a standstill by now. WRONG. Enter the Giro Combyn snow-sports helmet: a soft-shell helmet that utilizes…

Skyfall writers will pen Nicolas Winding Refn’s Barbarella TV Show

Nicolas Winding Refn’s (Drive) TV adaptation of Barbarella just nabbed an unexpected pair of writers. Neal Purvis and Robert Wade (Skyfall, Casino Royale) have been hired to bring this TV show to life. Please please let one episode just be titled “The Excessive Machine.” [via Deadline]

What’s Your Weirdest Criteria For Keeping a Facebook Friend?

Good strategy for keeping your Facebook friend count low: give people the boot on their birthdays. January 29. Happy birthday Karthik Reddy. We once had a sociology class together but I barely remember you. See ya! https://gizmodo.com/the-secret-to-facebook-happiness-is-killing-friendships-5977194 But how do you decide when to keep someone? Has this person been to jail? They stay. Shotgun…

Everything Wrong with Windows Phone 8, Illustrated in One App Update

The Amazon Kindle app for Windows Phone 8 got an update today. It’s a good one, too, fixing the awful three-sided letterboxing and giving the app a more Metro-y tile. But it’s massively late, and tripped over itself coming out the gate, too. In a way, it’s a perfect encapsulation of everything wrong with Windows…

Some Spider-Man casting ideas more insane than Paul Giamatti as the Rhino

Paul Giamatti is, without a doubt, one of the finest American actors working today. So it’s a bit… surprising, to say the least, to have found out yesterday that he’s in talks for the role of the Rhino in The Amazing Spider-Man 2. Not just because the Rhino is the very definition of a brute…

Finally, a Silpat Baking Dish

Silpat is so awesome. They have great non-stick liners for cookie sheets that make clean up a breeze. And finally Silpat is offering a silicon baking dish. Want. Want hard. The 10- by 13-inch pan is $55, and although that’s a little steep for a pan, it’s worth it in that you spend less time…

Bunny ninja hats will make you stealthy and adorable

More than any other creature, the bunny needs ninja skills. And you can celebrate this fact with a bunny ninja fleece hat from Bunnywarez. It covers your face, but gives you the floppy ears you’ve always wanted. In stealthy black, of course. Not good enough for you? Then try a ninja kitty hat on for…

A Bicycle Handlebar Bag For the Discriminating Cyclist

As the weather starts to (eventually) warm up, cyclists will inevitably begin coming out of the woodwork to enrage drivers and terrify pedestrians once again. But how, you might ask, does the cycling businessman about town distinguish himself from the fanny-pack-wearing hipsters on fixies? With fancy leather accessories like this Detroit Cargo Handlebar Bag, naturally.…

Here Are the Servers You Must Destroy to Kill Justin Bieber’s Twitter

He is the most popular person in the history of social media. He is Canadian. He is a swaggy bro. He is an Illuminati tween with hair made of undiscovered elements. And here’s how to unplug him, forever. https://deadspin.com/outtakes-from-my-four-hours-with-justin-bieber-the-swa-5910756 Yes, Justin Bieber has three entire servers dedicated to him on Twitter. The machine runs forever.…

Amazon Somehow Lost $39 Million Selling $61.09 Billion Worth of Stuff Last Year

The good news, if you’re Amazon? You just sold $61.09 billion worth of stuff in 2012. That’s roughly the GDP of Croatia! The less good for you but pretty funny for everyone else news? You somehow lost $39 million doing it. Business! While Amazon did turn a $97 million profit this most recent quarter, the…

“Lost” tortoise found alive in storeroom after 30 years, immediately crowned hide-and-seek champion of the world

Manuela the red-footed tortoise was believed to have made her grand escape back in 1982. Her owners, the Almeida family of Rio de Janeiro, had been preoccupied with a home renovation at the time; Manuela, they surmised, had slipped unnoticed through a door left open by some careless workers. They thought Manueala had escaped. They…

Nine Cycling Jerseys That Are Totally Unacceptable

The secret word is “novelty cycling jersey,” (AHHHH!) and it’s inspired by this incredible PeeWee Herman bike riding outfit that is amazing in that it simply exists. You know what else is great? The vast amount of ridiculously nerdy pop culture-inspired suits available on the ol’ world wide web. Spidey sense tingling? Nope. That’s just…

We’ve Been Eating Chinese Takeout Wrong This Whole Time

Your heart fell out of your butt when you learned you’d been eating ketchup wrong. Prepare to lose it yet again, because we’ve been borking our Chinese food containers too. https://gizmodo.com/weve-been-eating-ketchup-wrong-this-whole-time-5930955 Let’s go ahead and call what we see in the GIF up top the Unfolding Principle. As with ketchup, simply open up the paper…