Lewis Black Explains Why Millennials Want to Rub Their Fingers All Over Everything

Millennials are a large and powerful bunch, but they’re also very lazy: They’d rather swipe their sweaty hands on anything than lift an actual finger. That’s according to Lewis Black, who says brands are falling over themselves to attract their touchy-unfeely ways. Even he has sunk to a new low by joining Snapchat.

On last night’s Daily Show, Black reports on the many ways businesses are catering their services to the antisocial fingertips of millennials. McDonald’s touchscreens, for example, are designed to record the grease-smeared dining choices of twentysomethings who would rather not speak with a cashier. A millennial says it’s cool and all, but it would be even better if he could order on his phone.

So your previously wonderful fast food dining experience will likely now be ruined by the prevalence of millennial-friendly touchscreens, but it’s gambling where you’ll really see a loss of integrity. Slot machines are being reinvented to look more like arcade games because millennials simply don’t have the upper body strength to pull a lever. Yes, it’s sad. The time-honored, sacred institution of gambling will be forever besmirched by millennials.


[The Daily Show h/t The Message is Medium Rare]

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Before I pop a relief valve. Could it be that many businesses (such as McDonalds) are not catering their services to the antisocial fingertips of millennials, but are just automating repetitive processes to avoid costly employees?