Meet Your Potential New Barbarella And Weep

Illustration for article titled Meet Your Potential New Barbarella And Weep

If Perez Hilton is to be believed - always an interesting way to start a sentence - then the personal and professional partnership of Robert Rodriguez and Rose McGowan has come to an end. That leaves both their Red Sonja and Barbarella projects somewhere in limbo. For scifi fans, the only question is which leading lady is apparently getting lined up as Jane Fonda's latest replacement for the role of Barbarella? Here's a clue: You'll be disappointed.


According to Hilton, the split between McGowan and Rodriguez came as the result of the duo's Barbarella plans:

Rumor has it that Rodriguez couldn't find adequate financing for Barbarella because proposed star Rose is not a big enough name, which led to a major blow up between the two.

The new name he's touting to replace Rose in stepping into those space gogo boots? Jessica Alba. Which, if it's true, leads me to this simple question for Robert: Are you fucking high?

Look, I know that Jessica has some level of geek cred from starring in the two Fantastic Four movies as well as your very own Sin City, but don't let that blind you to the simple fact that - well, she can't act. Don't get me wrong, she's very cute and all, but when has she done anything awesome as having a machine gun for a leg or... um... being Alyssa Milano's sister in Charmed? Okay, so I'll admit that it's not like Rose's credits are that much more impressive, but it's all in the attitude: You can believe that Rose would be the kinda girl to strap herself into space and stop interstellar war. Jessica Alba? She's not even someone who can turn herself invisible convincingly.

Bob, Bob... I can call you Bob, right? Listen, Bob. I get it. You don't want to work with your ex. That's fine, even though there's a lot of us who wish you felt differently. But that doesn't mean that you have to replace her with someone with such a black hole of charisma as Jessica. Surely there's a middle ground we can agree on?

...And no, that doesn't mean Scarlett Johansson.

A 'Muse' No More! [Perez Hilton]



Annalee Newitz

@Sharpless: Actually now that you mention it, yeah Fonda was sort of blank-eyed in the original. Friendly, but blank. I would love to see a remake, though, if only to watch the concept designers go all steampunk on that orgasm-inducing organ.