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Nokia's Lumia Rap Is the Worst Thing to Happen to Music, Gadgets, and the World (Update: ROGUE MARKETING?)

Nokia. Nokia, Nokia. You were doing things well. You made a smartphone that was well received, and looked nothing like an iPhone. People liked it. People are buying it. And then you created a video parody of Rack City. Nokia...

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The video—which director Aaron Perkins Jr. says was shot at a Nokia office in Boston—is without a doubt, the worst thing of its kind. It makes the Windows Phone 7 sorority rap squad look like Lil Kim. It makes us cringe to the point that our faces might implode and create a black hole.

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The following things are in this video:

  • A guy saying "dev city kid, dev dev city kid" over and over
  • Ironic, stupid, horribly tired "WHITE GUY DOING ZANY RAP THING" tropes
  • A limousine from a bad prom
  • Multiple soul patches
  • A slob in a hoodie and fedora
  • "I want a Lumia in my pocket so I'm ready to win"
Illustration for article titled Nokias Lumia Rap Is the Worst Thing to Happen to Music, Gadgets, and the World (Update: ROGUE MARKETING?)

This.

Illustration for article titled Nokias Lumia Rap Is the Worst Thing to Happen to Music, Gadgets, and the World (Update: ROGUE MARKETING?)
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This.

Illustration for article titled Nokias Lumia Rap Is the Worst Thing to Happen to Music, Gadgets, and the World (Update: ROGUE MARKETING?)
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And this.

Nokia. You just made Tyga actually look cool.

You could have spent the amount of money it took to produce this sensory war crime and maybe bribe Pandora into making a Windows Phone app. Or just, I don't know, set the money on fire.

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Update: Nokia tells us it's "investigating this video internally," which means, wow, Aaron Perkins Jr. has gone off the rails. Maybe Nokia isn't totally responsible for this advertisement mushroom cloud.

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DISCUSSION

I think my DSL is actively rejecting this video, as it just won't load for me. I managed to see about 45 seconds of it, and I gave up. It could be worse, though, way worse. I have definitely heard worse rap before. About ten years ago (and maybe still now, I don't keep up) Houston had a big rap scene going on. Some of it was good (and some of the rappers eventually showed up in the mainstream) but _everyone_ tried to get in on it, and some terrible rap was coming out of Houston as well. Way, way worse than this video. I'm not saying the nokia rap is good, I'm just saying it's not the worst ever. Not even close.