Some states get to be popular states because of their big reputations, which attract visitors to make them backdrops for Instagram content. New York is where artists create ostensibly intellectual theme parks. California is where every teen gets a mansion. Florida is where a man throws an alligator into a Wendy’s. Oklahoma is pretty sure it’s the place where Bigfoot lives. Fine, Oklahoma, you can have this.
As ABC affiliate KOCO News 5 first reported, Oklahoma state Representative Justin Humphrey announced yesterday that the state has put out a statewide $3 million bounty for the live capture of Sasquatch. “We don’t hunt Bigfoot, nobody wants to harm Bigfoot,” Humphrey clarified. “We’re doing a live, humane capture.” The striking announcement wipes Illinois and Georgia off the Bigfoot map.
Stated reason Bigfoot lives in Oklahoma: a crew is shooting a Bigfoot documentary series primarily in Honobia, Oklahoma, which is the home of Bigfoot and site of the annual Bigfoot Festival and Conference. Oklahoma didn’t ask anybody if it could be Bigfoot Country. Oklahoma just claimed it—which is how you get ahead in America.
While the nation stuffs its dart guns and binoculars into Bigfoot bug-out bags, Oklahoma has limited time to think this through. Humphrey didn’t stipulate the description of the beast, nor did he in his previous bill proposing a Bigfoot hunting season. “Bigfoot” covers any stinking, hairy hominid of large build but as short as six feet tall, which describes any number of easily identifiable males roaming the North American region.
As KOCO has reported, Bigfoot researchers are pissed about Humphrey blowing up their spot, and wildlife officials see this for what it is: a cynical political ploy to sex up the otherwise dull woods. Micah Holmes of the Oklahoma Department of Wildlife Conservation told KOCO that “we use science-driven research, and we don’t recognize Bigfoot in the state of Oklahoma.”
Representative Humphrey was unavailable to respond to Gizmodo’s request for comment, primarily in regards to whether this is a thing or what.
Unfortunately for Oklahoma’s simultaneous attempts to brand itself as an entertainment industry hub, Oklahoma recently lost its most famous resident Joe Exotic, who would have owned this.