On Heroes, There Is Always Time For Half-Naked Female Bonding

Last night's episode of Heroes explained a lot of important things, like how half-naked superpowered girls bond. Also, how to get back together with your wife after a mutant steals your body! Plus carnie fashion and dirt powers! Spoilers ahead.

What I like about Heroes is that the writers are never afraid to give us some gratuitous semi-nudity. And where Claire is concerned, this nudity has to have lesbotic overtones. In the case of "Brother's Keeper," overtones were helpfully supplied by Tracy. Our favorite political slut freezy girl starts having ice power panic attacks and she races over to HRG's place to get help. But she finds only Claire, doing her laundry. Of course Claire decides to best cure is to stick Tracy in a warm bath and make her some tea. Which sort of backfires, as you can see in the clip we've shared with you here.


Even though Tracy snaps off Claire's frozen foot, the two ladies wind up in a sodden pile of girl-bonding, drinking tea together and talking about how "it's hard out there for girls like us." Could it be . . . LESBOTIC DOUBLE-MEANING? I choose to believe that it is. I don't care what you Heroes-hating naysayers think. Heroes has a lot of deep meanings, and that's why it's such an important show for people who believe in social progress and girls taking baths together.

Anyway, after all the wetness and ice and stuff, Claire tells Tracy that maybe "her body is telling her" to go become a carnie. And we all know how smart it is to listen to your body. That's why the episode ends with Tracy meeting up with Samuel so she can join his carnies.

I never thought I'd be grateful to see Suresh back in the picture, but I was. Even though he seems to have inexplicably lost his Jeff Goldblum powers. Samuel the megacarnie with dirt powers apparently killed Suresh nine weeks ago, but now he's kidnapped waitress Charlie so he can force Hiro to go back in time and grab a movie from Suresh before the whole murder thing. Turns out Suresh found an old movie of his father's from when he was working in that mutant concentration camp run by the US government. And the movie reveals - ta dum! - that Samuel was actually born in the concentration camp, and that his powers go beyond dirt. Apparently there is a measurable amount of energy generated by "powers," and Samuel can harness that energy to give himself mega-dirt powers. Maybe that means he can do things like move the Earth out of orbit or something? I have no idea. But if this show suddenly turns into Space 1999 with Earth instead of the Moon, let's just say I told you so.

So anyway nine weeks ago stupid Suresh leaves his hot girlfriend back in Chennai to go hunting for Samuel - WHY? - and discovers that Samuel's older brother has been hiding these mega-dirt powers from little bro all his life. Probably because all Samuel does is wear glittery black denim vests and eyeliner. Obviously, he's just too glam for mega-dirt. Unfortunately, Samuel overhears his brother telling Suresh all this, and promptly goes after Suresh to get the old movie showing how he caused a giant earthquake when he was born among all the mutants whose powers he harnessed.

Suresh has burned the film, so Samuel does the old Magneto-with-rocks thing and kills Suresh - except luckily Hiro has traveled back in time and put a bullet-proof vest on Suresh! Which he technically shouldn't need because he has spider superpowers, right? Wait, did he lose his powers? I can't even remember anymore, but I'm sure you'll tell me smugly in the comments and then add something about how I always get details about the show wrong.

Here's one thing I don't have wrong: Samuel stopped wearing the sparkly vest after his brother "died accidentally" (probably from a dirt-related injury!). Why did they have to take that vest away from him?


Probably for the same reason that I have to tell you now about what happened to Head Sylar, Head Parkman, Body Parkman, and Body Sylar. And that reason is that I did something bad back when I used to eat people in the Middle Ages and I'm still atoning for it by becoming a detective in Toronto. And writing Heroes recaps.

So let me try to sum up the Sylar/Parkman, Head/Body thing in a sentence, just for fun. Peter and Body Sylar heal dying Body Parkman/Head Parkman/Head Sylar, then Head Sylar touches Body Sylar and lands back in his own head. I am glossing over a long scene which is supposed to be full of tension but is really not. The upshot is that everybody is back in their own damn body, though Body Sylar has a Head Sylar because he's still got Nathan occupying most of his body or something.


Throughout this whole ordeal I kept wishing that Head Parkman would wear a sexy red dress like Head Six did in Battlestar. It would make everything so much easier to deal with.

Also, THERE WAS ACTUALLY A GOOD LINE IN THIS EPISODE. At one point when Fake Nathan is whining about how weird it is to be in Body Sylar with a Head Sylar rattling around too, he says to Peter, "Nathan is just some random thoughts in a mass murderer's head." Yes, that is a great sentence.


Plus we really have no idea what is up with the whole Nathan thing, but since Adrian Pasdar got fired from Heroes I'm assuming that Nathan isn't long for this plotline.

My favorite moment after the whole Head/Body resolution for Parkman was when he called his ex-wife and baby mommy, and was like, "Hey remember how I had this guy in my head who was making me act insane? Well now he's gone so I can come home honey!"


Basically there are still a bunch of things that remain unresolved. When will Body Sylar give in to Head Sylar? Is Head Sylar actually inside Peter, because a Sparkly Thing passed between Body Sylar and Peter? What will Tracy be doing for Samuel? When will Hiro ever see Charlie again, and why did Hiro stick Suresh into a mental hospital for safekeeping? When will Sprint realize that advertising their phones in a series of webisodes about how Samuel abuses teenage girls might not be a good way to get people to buy their crappy product?

Tune in next week when Sprint phones bring all the mutants together to become a giant, homicidal megaentity with geotagging powers.



Benny Gesserit

And we all know how smart it is to listen to your body.

Mine usually says "Get me some jelly-beans. And some vodka. And find some pictures of Alan Tudyk in a tight t-shirt on the internet."

Annalee, you're really a saint for doing this. Hey, you wanna be a saint? No, wait, that's the one with the "martyrdom, stabby, dying" routine. How about a Countess or a Dame? That's easy and you get tiara and stuff. Lemme call Liz, she still owes me one for getting Andy out of the "bar" in Toronto during the 80's.