Scream Queens Is Really Just a Parade of Horror In-Jokes At This Point

Illustration for article titled iScream Queens /iIs Really Just a Parade of Horror In-Jokes At This Point

Though “Pumpkin Patch” is only its fifth episode, Scream Queens has already exhausted every slasher-movie cliché, and has moved on to aping other horrors: The Shining, The Silence of the Lambs, and, uh, Orange is the New Black. More problematic: the show has become virtually plotless.


But still, we soldier on. While we’d love to bust out a major spoiler (still dunno for sure who the Red Devil is ... though as we’ve all been saying since the first episode, it’s obviously Jamie Lee Curtis), some minor ones do follow.

So mean old Dean Munsch has cancelled Halloween, ruining Chanel’s Black Hairy Tongue Pumpkin Patch Maze Concert and her “wives of fallen presidents” group costume idea. (There are still multiple scenes of girls dressed in pink Jackie Kennedy ensembles.) But another presidency is at the forefront here—the Kappa sorority’s—though Chanel challenger Zayday has been missing since last week.


Only Grace and Pete seem to care, but she manages to get her dad and Gigi (who are now an item, to Grace’s begrudging almost-acceptance), along with security guard Denise, to help in the search. Naturally, Zayday’s being kept prisoner in a Silence of the Lambs-style pit (bucket, tiny dog, Boy George, dress form, night-vision goggles, all checked off the list). But by the time the hapless Nancy Drews find the spot, Zayday’s already escaped a surprisingly fawning Red Devil, who gives her flowers and makes her favorite snack, “Oakland Nachos,” which are Doritos slathered in chocolate syrup. Hmm.

Illustration for article titled iScream Queens /iIs Really Just a Parade of Horror In-Jokes At This Point

But Chanel herself is also in trouble. Someone turns her in for murdering housemaid Ms. Bean via deep-fryer; as you’ll recall, the missing body turned up last week, along with all the other corpses thus far (except Boone, who isn’t dead, though he hasn’t been seen since he faked his demise). Though Chanel’s time in an orange jumpsuit is entirely too brief, the line “Remember to smile for your mug shot, it will be on Gawker by sundown” did please us, for obvious reasons.

Aside from his/her creepy “date” with Zayday, the Red Devil makes two more notable appearances. The first is to slaughter one of Chanel Number Five’s preppy-twin boyfriends in Chanel Number One’s replica Shining maze, complete with snowdrifts; fortunately, Number Five (one of the show’s only interesting characters) must’ve seen the movie, because she steals Danny Torrance’s hide-your-footprints trick and survives.


The second is a last-scene meeting with Gigi (the show’s other interesting character, besides Dean Munsch), on the heels of the Silence pit discovery. Gigi, who is clearly the secret head bitch in charge, tells him/her “You’re late. That got way out of hand. He’s gotta go.”

So, who’s the “he” she’s referring to? Possibilities are:

- Grace’s father, Wes. Probably not, since the next thing Gigi says is that she has a “salad date” with a hot guy ... though she doesn’t specify which hot guy ... she’s only been having “salad dates” with Wes. That we’ve seen, anyway.


- Chad Radwell, whose main contribution this week is mentioning he spotted a “Slutty Al-Qaeda” costume last Halloween. (We also learn secondhand that he’s hooked up with Denise a time or two.)

- Pete. He also didn’t do much this week, other than follow Grace around, but he’s definitely been portrayed as up to something in the past.


- Detective Chisolm, who arrests Chanel for murdering Ms. Bean, in a very rare scene of any character actually attending class

- Chanel’s rich dad; unseen yet oft-mentioned

- The British frat guy who’s sweet on Zayday. Sweet enough to put her in a pit and bring her flowers?


- Boone. Where the eff is Boone? Nick Jonas has 11 episodes listed on the Scream Queens imdb page, so he’ll be baaaaaack ...

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I’m trying to stay interested. I’m a horror nut to the point of being a cliché, but I can’t help but feel this would have been great—15 years ago, with Charisma Carpenter as head mean girl.

All the rest are just pale imitations of Queen C...