We feel you, Chanel Number Three: Scream Queens is a stinker. But in the interest of seeing the mystery through, we soldier forth for episode eight, “Ghost Stories,” which sees the offing of a few big characters as well as an awful lot of time-wasting.
Nick Jonas returned last week as Boone, but that wasn’t much of a reveal, since we’ve known all this time that he faked his own death. When his Joaquin Phoenix disguise is compromised in “Ghost Stories,” he’s soon spotted by various Kappa and Dickie Dollar members, all of whom believe he’s a ghost ... until he tries to put the moves on Zayday, offering a vaguely racist explanation about how he’ll come back to life if he sleeps with her, because “once you go black you never go back.” Oh-kay.
Boone climbs into Zayday’s window, where he’s confronted by both Zayday and Grace—both of whom immediately know he’s not a ghost, unlike everyone else. After he’s shoved back out the way he came, he dons Red Devil drag to stab Zayday’s nice-guy British boyfriend before taking off his mask to reveal his face, in case anyone watching is dumber than Chad Radwell and hasn’t figured out Boone’s one of the killers. Then, he meets up with the other Red Devil and plots to take out Gigi, only to be knifed up by his costumed sister instead.
Sister? Yep. The only other big reveal this week (Boone admitting he’s actually straight and was just faux-gay doesn’t count) comes via Dean Munsch, who finally confirms what we already suspected: two babies were born in the bathtub that night. Twins, a boy and a girl. Gigi’s raised them up in the single-minded pursuit of revenge, but now there’s just one Red Devil left. And it’s a woman who could be Boone’s twin, so she has to be white and 19-to-20 years old.
Logistically and logically, who might it be?
Chanel Oberlin: Unlikely, since we know she comes from a rich family because she will not shut up about it. But! Could she have been adopted? Was the adoption prank she once played on Chanel Number Five a clue? Is the whole shrill, vapid, feather-wearing thing just a calculated act? She did kill the Kappa maid and Hester (see below), so she’s already a murderer, if not the murderer.
Chanel Number 3: No. She was genuinely shocked to see “the ghost of Booooo-ne” on campus.
Chanel Number 5: Seems unlikely. She was attacked by the Red Devil this week, and that had to be the female devil, because why would Boone attack his own sister while he thought they were still on the same team?
Hester (Chanel Number 6): Definitely unhinged enough, but she was shoved down a staircase to her death this week by a jealous Chanel Oberlin. So, unless the show is going to continue with only Gigi as the killer—or Hester somehow comes back to life—that’s a big nope.
Grace: Despite her sketchy parentage, she’s simply too freakin’ earnest to be serial killer material—unless Scream Queens goes full soap opera and reveals she has dual personalities or something.
Pete: HOT TAKE, Pete is actually a woman—kind of a reverse Sleepaway Camp thing—and is the other Red Devil.
Character X: It’s possible the other Red Devil is a character we haven’t met yet. Which would be pretty lame at this point.
Anyone else want to take a crack at this? Is anyone else still watching this show?