Don’t be an amateur on Halloween. You’re a grown-up now, which means you should have the foresight to plan the night of mayhem in advance. Here’s seven tools to launch a legendary assault on the neighborhood.
Image by Jeremy Champion
Renova Orange Toilet Paper
Oh, Europeans with delicate bottoms that need to be treated to fancy bathroom tissue. Every prankster needs to have a calling card. Set yourself apart by coating the neighborhood in this designer orange TP. $7.94
Marksman 3060LF Laserhawk Slingshot
Step up your egging game with a slingshot. This might take a little practice so the eggs don’t break in your hand, but when you’re nailing houses from 40 yards away, you won’t regret it. $14
Gilmour Metal Turbo Nozzle
Now let’s discuss how you’re going to protect your home from the bands of rival pranksters who will be roaming the neighborhood looking for trouble. When they sneak up on your house, give um a good hosing with the help of a super-powerful nozzle. $30
Stanley FatMax Xtreme FuBar Utility Bar
Actually lifting-up pumpkins to smash them is so pedestrian. What if you throw out your back? Improve your efficiency with this 18-inch “utility bar” (READ: demolition bar). $58
Black Diamond Cosmo Headlamp
You can plan all the hell-raising in the world, but if you can’t see, you won’t have any fun at all. This lightweight headlamp should do the trick. $30
A Lawyer
Seriously guys, don’t do something stupid and get arrested. What’s that you say? Everything I’ve suggested here is something stupid that could get you arrested? I’m no legal scholar, sir. Consult your local ordinances. If you do plan to break bad on Halloween, might I suggest you line up legal representation in advance?$Depends what you did
