Every few years there’s some terrible new status symbol that becomes ubiquitous and, thus, inescapable. Several years back it was those dumb Canada Goose jackets that retailed at prices of up to $1700 and made everybody look like Death Star employees. Lately, however, the marker of status is just a cup.
By now, you and everybody you know have likely heard of the Stanley Quencher—a relatively mundane-looking stainless steel tumbler that retails for between $20-$45 and, like all other tumblers, will hold beverages for you. What is so special about the Quencher? Well, not much. Like most virally popular products, this cup ascended to the Olympian heights of pop culture through no real fault of its own. Instead, it’s a monstrosity largely birthed by the internet.
In brief, Stanley Quenchers are the product of Stanley, an 110-year-old food and beverage container company that, in a previous era, was mostly known for making very manly thermoses that were marketed to blue-collar men. Now, in an ironic twist, the company’s biggest target demographic appears to be middle school girls, the primary consumer of the Quencher. Said bottles were launched back in 2016 but it’s only in recent times that, thanks to some good digital word-of-mouth, they’ve managed to become a global sensation.
Indeed, while Quencher mania has been steadily building for years, a recent incident helped propel them to superstardom. In November, a woman posted a video to TikTok explaining that her car had recently burst into flames. As a result of the inferno, the vehicle was destroyed. The silver lining? Her Stanley Quencher—which had been locked inside the car—somehow survived. Smelling what was very obviously a great PR opportunity, the esteemed company behind the drinkware decided to send the woman a whole bunch of new Quenchers. They also bought her a new car. The story went viral, providing a big boost to the tumbler brand and propelling it into the hearts and minds of millions.
Since then, TikTok has been the place where the Quencher’s cultural power has continued to germinate, thanks largely to its consumer base—mostly young girls and women—and an army of influencers. Its stans have helped push the product to an absurd level of repute, making it the cup equivalent of Taylor Swift.
Of course, once you get past the product’s immediate star power, there’s a lot to ridicule. For one thing, it’s called a “Quencher,” which is an unequivocally funny name. For another, it is ridiculously expensive. Lately, the company has been releasing “special edition” versions of the cup, which then hit the resale market at prices as high as $5,000. You might call it the NFT-ification of tumblers. This insanity has also spawned a black market of shady lookalikes that are duping hapless Stanley consumers out of thousands of dollars.
The real object of ridicule here should be the people buying the Quenchers, not necessarily the Quenchers themselves. After all, you can’t blame a cup company for making an expensive cup. You can blame people for actually buying them.
In Americans’ case, they appear to be not only buying them but also letting the collective hysteria surrounding the cups to drive them over the edge. This is a time-tested tradition in America, where conspicuous consumption is now more of a national pastime than baseball. Among other things, the Quenchers have compelled thousands to stand in endless lines, just for a slim chance to feel one clutched in their sweaty little palms. In California, a woman was recently jailed for allegedly stealing $2,500 worth of the dreaded mugs. At a Florida Target, a brawl broke out, with the cups at the center of the action. Middle school girls are being bullied for not having them, and grown-ass adults are reportedly getting into “shouting matches” over them. Everywhere they go, these prestige goblets drive normal, everyday people to fiscal and behavioral extremes.
In short: Fuck these cups. Here is your friendly reminder that cups were first invented thousands of years ago and have not changed much since then. There are many other cups currently in existence that do the same thing that the Stanley Quenchers do. Here is one listed for $6.98 at Walmart. Go forth and buy that one. Make that one popular. Tell your friends that they just have to have the $7 Walmart cup. If you do, you will be saving the American public tens of millions of dollars.
