11) The Deetzes, Beetlejuice

Charles Deetz drags his family from New York City to a very recently unoccupied, quaint house in the country, looking for a little peace and quiet. His awesomely goth daughter, Lydia, is delighted to learn that the house contains ghosts. His hilariously obnoxious wife, Delia, is way more interested in remodeling the place so she can impress her artsy frenemies.


Eventually Delia mellows out a little bit, thanks to a much bigger crisis involving a pesky bio-exorcist. And the Deetz family even becomes way more functional (and expands to include a pair of ghosts, too) by the end.

10) House of Abrasax, Jupiter Ascending

Inheritance brawls among siblings are nothing new—but what if those siblings happen to be elite members of the alien race that’s targeted Earth as the next source for its prized “youth serum”? The end result might resemble this gorgeous but confusing epic from the Wachowskis, who presumably enjoy a lot more harmony in their own family life.


9) The Whites, Carrie

No wonder poor misfit Carrie manifested malevolent telekinetic powers, after a lifetime of enduring her Jesus-freak mother shrieking “They’re all gonna laugh at you!” all day, every day.

8) The Evils, Austin Powers

It’s out of fashion to like these movies, but this is still one hell of a dysfunctional family, with a huge chasm between father and son that could hold one million mini-clones. These communication-breakdown scenes are the ultimate.


7) The Prestons, Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure

Time travel is very cool, but there’s no escaping the fact that when your dad marries the hot girl that was just a few years ahead of you in high school, it’s never not gonna be weird. And you’re never not gonna slip up and say “Missy... I mean Mom” several times a day. Bogus.


6) The Torrances, The Shining

This family had plenty of major issues even before they decided to winter at the ghost-infested Overlook Hotel. But that one time Jack “accidentally” broke Danny’s arm seemed like nothing once all the axe-wielding mania started going down.


5) The Sharpes, Crimson Peak

Another fucked-up family from Guillermo del Toro. Also a cautionary tale about not marrying a guy whose sister is oddly overprotective, and who dwells in a creepy old mansion that appears to bleed called Crimson Peak—especially when you’ve been visited by scary spirits that specifically warn you to “beware of Crimson Peak.”

4) The Stokers, Stoker

Park Chan-wook’s psychological horror movie owes a lot to Hitchcock, but it turns the screws in violent ways that even the Master of Suspense wouldn’t have dreamed of doing. Trust no one, especially if you’re related to them.


3) Lord Denethor’s family, The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King

Distraught over the death of his favorite son, the Steward of Gondor acts like a righteous dick to his remaining son. Then, Denethor spirals even deeper into madness and very nearly burns his wounded-in-battle son on a pyre, despite the fact that he’s not actually dead yet. In the end, he realizes what he’s done, and...

Hey, why let a perfectly good bonfire go to waste?

2) Papa Jupiter’s Clan, The Hills Have Eyes

Something to consider while planning your family’s RV trip across the country: will the route take you past any cannibal mutants who simply adore preying on naive outsiders? In Wes Craven’s chilling 1977 classic, the fresh-faced Carters encounter Papa Jupiter and his inbred posse of ne’er-do-wells (plus one daughter who isn’t actually that bad), who terrorize the family with great gusto, only to see their victims fight back nearly as brutally. The Hills Have Eyes is one of those movies where you kind of can’t tell who the monsters are after awhile—although only one side actually threatens to eat an infant.


1) The Lions, The Lion King


A young cub flees his home believing he’s responsible for his father’s death—a dastardly deed that was, in fact, his scheming uncle’s fault. At stake is the entire kingdom, which is now under the rule of a ruthless tyrant rather than a benevolent and beloved leader. This would be an amazingly dysfunctional family tale even if it wasn’t contained within an animated Disney musical fond of fart jokes.