If your steampunk Iron Man costume is sadly lacking that authentic je ne sais quoi, you could always track down this Victorian-era anti-wanking device. (Note the helpful urine colander.) Yes, it was designed for teens and is shudder-inducing in every single way, but nobody said crime-fighting was a vacation.
In 2008, this copper device — which measures “3 ½ inches top to base” and was designed to prevent nocturnal emissions and other onanistic tomfoolery — went for $2,906 on eBay. (Is someone displaying it on a mantel somewhere?) From the auction description:
The rare 19th century item is made of copper and was designed to be worn by boys so they could not commit the ‘sin’. Attached to a belt it would have encased the genitalia. The bizarre antique dates back to around 1880 and was used in Catholic France.
Related: Slightly more comfortable old-school armor and an overly elaborate device to prevent your horses from masturbating.
https://gizmodo.com/10-retro-body-armors-that-will-transform-you-into-an-ol-5917559
https://gizmodo.com/can-you-guess-what-these-terrifying-19th-century-invent-5803202
[Chastity Review (very NSFW) and TYWKIWDBI via Boing Boing]
