Here are some thoughts I had while watching a video of two tortoises banging.

1) Is this actually a video of two tortoises banging? I only see one tortoise.

2) Who is filming this, and how can I meet them?

3) Wow, it really sounds like he’s saying “wow.”

4) Why does this video not carry a warning in its title? There are children on the internet.

Illustration for article titled This Tortoise Keeps Saying Wow to Its Fuckbuddy

5) Who runs ViralHog, and how can I meet them?

6) Oh, there’s the other tortoise.

7) The caption says the following: “It lasted a few minutes and eventually the turtle on top had been pushed by a third one and been placed on its back.” Why did the person stop filming before the overeager third tortoise showed up?

8) I wonder what a tortoise would think of human coitus.

Now I am stuck in a strange Youtube hole which I would very much like to escape. Please, someone help me.




Sophie is a former news editor at Gizmodo.

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