Watch: Rumplestiltskin Ruined Once Upon a Time

Once Upon a Time has ended after seven seasons, leaving fans like me with mixed feelings. But there’s one thing most OUAT fans aren’t mixed about: Rumple sucks. The show’s coolest villain became the world’s worst person—a habitual abuser always on the cusp of redemption. Check out our latest video chastising all the shitty things Rumple did on the show, showing why we’re happy he’s finally gone for good.


Rumple’s Five Shittiest Deeds:

1. Killed his first wife. Twice. — Rumplestiltskin killed his first wife Milah after he found out she’d left him for Captain Hook. That’s an awful thing to do, but hey, he was a villain at the time, so bygones. Then, in season five, Rumple found her in the Underworld. She regretted her actions and was trying to be a better person so she could complete her unfinished business and be reunited with her son, Neal. But instead, on orders from Hades, Rumple chucked her into the River of Lost Souls. Never to return.

2. Abused his wife Belle for years. — I can’t even begin to count the number of horrible things Rumple has done to Belle. Tortured her father, Maurice. Gave her a fake version of his Dark One dagger so she felt in control of his actions. Stood by and watched as she was nearly murdered by Dr. Jekyll on a ship. That doesn’t even go into all the times he screamed at, manipulated, and threatened her when she didn’t fall in line.

3. Turned full evil the moment Belle dumped him. — In season four, Belle—finally over Rumple’s shit—forced him to cross the town line, separating him from Storybrooke forever. Instead of coming to terms with his responsibilities and realizing that he brought all his misfortune on himself, Rumple decided to grab three of the franchise’s worst villains (Maleficent, Cruella, and Ursula) so he could take over the town by force. Not a healthy reaction, bro.

4. Took back the Dark One powers when they were about to be destroyed forever. — Season seven has focused on Rumple literally begging for death so he can be reunited with Belle. Well, Rumple should’ve thought of that years ago, because back in season five he had an opportunity to be free of the powers forever. Captain Hook (under the Dark One powers) sacrificed himself so the powers would be gone forever... but Rumple secretly devised a plan where they’d instead be returned to him. Then, he lied to everyone about it, including his wife.

5. Tried to speed up his wife’s pregnancy and separate his son from his destiny. – Forever the coward, Rumple feared that his and Belle’s son from season six would grow to hate him (for every obvious reason). Instead of becoming a better person worthy of his son’s love, Rumple figured the better choice would be to forcibly speed up his wife’s pregnancy with a potion, and then use the Magic Shears to cut his son’s ties to his destiny. Not only did the plan make no sense, but it was absolutely sadistic. Rumple chickened out at the last minute, only for the Wish Realm Evil Queen (don’t ask) to step in and administer the potion. Oh, did I mention WREQ and Rumple totally boned? Because they did.


Video Editor and Staff Writer at io9. My doppelganger is that rebelling greeting card from Futurama.


A Lantern of Hope

Pretty much everyone on this show was The Worst. I’m trying to think of a single person on this show who was actually likable. Maybe Geppetto? And even then only because he’s Bra’tac.