Gizmodo
"Assume the position," barked Batman, as he wrestled his captive into a supine position. "Ooh, I just love it when you talk dirty to me," purred Catwoman, an enigmatic half-smile playing about her whiskers, as she was bat-handled into submission. Her direct, feline gaze never left the superhero's face, and he shifted uncomfortably as he realized that, somewhere below his bat-belt, the batsuit was becoming too tight for comfort.
"If you're not careful, you'll be burning rubber down there," murmured Catwoman, with a derisory nod at his groin. "If you don't shut up, I'll be restringing my tennis racquet with your small intestine," said Batman through gritted teeth.
"I'm intrigued to know what plans you have for my large intestine, darling!" she said with a wink. "Knitting yourself a condom?"
"You, of all people should know that I have no need for those," he replied. "They don't call me the Caped Crusader for nothing." Shifting his hard body so that it was pinning her down to the roof, he freed one hand in order to grab his Batman handcuffs. Immediately, Catwoman saw her chance.
Twisting her back, she managed to free a paw from her opponent's grasp and, with a swish of air, raked a claw down his cheek.
With a roar, Batman squeezed her prostrate figure between his manly thighs. "You promised you wouldn't touch my face, you bitch! I've got to give one of those after-dinner speeches to the Hoboken Round Table tonight, and I'll never hear the end of it."
"Meow!" said Catwoman. "I love it when you get angry with me. Come on then, get the cuffs on and get on with it, as we don't have much time. What time does dinner start?"
As Batman fiddled with the lock of the cuffs, his sexy partner did a double-take. "What the hell are those? Where are your bat-cuffs?" she shrieked. Batman looked embarrassed. "I lost them. Someone must have swiped them off my belt when we went to see Iron Man last weekend."
"You're such a fake," she spat. "Get off me, I can't bear you to touch me. Replica cuffs my ass."
Batman's lower lip quivered. "Aw, CW, don't be like that, please. Please! They're from JLA Trophy Room, and they look just like the real thing. I mean, they're not bad—they've got a bat-shaped key, and they look good on my belt, and they only cost me $136. And I'm the only person with them, as they're not out until next year. Can't you just play along with the fantasy a little bit?"
"Too late, Batty-boy," came the reply. "I don't do rip-offs." With a resigned shrug, Batman released her and watched her go, her tail swishing angrily behind her. [Entertainment Earth via Geek Alerts]
Comments
That story really stiffened my resolve. Bravissimo.
Whip and Leather Gimp Mask sold separately.
Holy bat fanfic! I could not help but notice that your reference Batman was Clooney, however. You Britons and your Clooney fascination.
Why are these for Batman? Perhaps Batwoman could make some money on the side.
that story had a good plot
@OMG! Ponies!: She already is.
Best post in a long, long time.
What was my safe word again?
Robin, go into the bat-trunk of the bat-mobile, and get the spare bat-key to the bat-cuffs.
What's it look like?
Like a bat, you idiot.
@papaguru:
Addy is Giz's best writer. She's evidenced this for a long time now. Hopefully, as a bit of a wordsmith myself, I'll get involved in some cunning linguistics with her one day.
that was pretty great. thanks giz.
@scarbrtj: Until that day, are you going to practice being a master debater?
Battyboy means homosexual in Jamaican Patois.
That was a very Woot-esque product blurb.
@scarbrtj: Someone give that boy a star. Now.
@cmsjustin: I know it does, that's why I used it. As for your second comment, perhaps someday someone will write in the Woot comments, "that was a very Addy Dugdale-esque blurb." Probably not, though.
Uhh, Addy, that was a pretty detailed "story" there. What did you do before you came to Gizmodo?
@maven2k: I had sex with superheroes.
@Addy Dugdale: For pay or for play? Meee-ow!
@Addy Dugdale: ouch for Jesus!
@maven2k: After reading AD's piece, guess what happened? I came to Gizmodo, too. Not once, but twice.
Nicely done.
@scarbrtj:
"Hopefully, as a bit of a wordsmith myself, I'll get involved in some cunning linguistics with her one day."
Nice.
W@Addy Dugdale: Which issue of Batman was this in? I need to go pick it up. I can see this being the plot of the third Dark Knight movie. Maybe Mister Moore can bring this to fruition, hell, they made Watchmen.
lol i've read a much better porno story between batgirl and catwoman...though this one was funnier
signed:
king of the perverts
how much time DO you guys REALLY have?
You see, Batman is not only into leather, rubber, and latex, he's also into the bondage accessories. Dude's a freak, and not the good kind.
man, talk about blueballs.
@frndlybnny: How do you know Jesus is not someone's secret identity...?
@GOKOR: yeah but he's rich too - isn't a little kinky stuff worth it for the billions you'd get after you arranged that car 'accident'?
Well, then.
...well.
then.
um. Oh hey, look, Iron Man. That was a good movie.
...
:\
This has gotta be the sexiest post on GIZmodo I've ever read. Hawt!
someone should start writing for fleshbot
@sqwodaydc: agreed...
Meanwhile, in the Khul-Cave:
-blink-
@sqwodaydc:Maybe she is....
under a different name?
well I've never been in the "Adult Section" so I wouldnt really know what you guys were talkin about.
(no seriously I havent I always have P.O.S)
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