Rule #1: Never stick your finger in a machine's orifice until you know what that machine is called. Rule #2: Never stick anything in a machine's orifice, period, no matter how it may tempt you with its erotically detached name and reliable thrusting motion. Rule #3: Ew.

The Sperm Revival Machine, made by Sanwe Medical Equipment Co., Ltd, can be yours for $2,800 and all the dignity you can spare. [SayOMG via TDW]