11 Tools to Turn Your Home Into A Fortress

London's burning, if you haven't noticed—rioting and looting nightly. With the police slow to respond, it's time to defend your house and home from Hackney hooligans. These 11 tools will ensure they don't step foot on your property.

11 Tools to Turn Your Home Into A Fortress

NextBolt NX3 Fingerprint Door Lock With Deadbolt


When you've got a legion of pissed off rioters chasing you up your driveway, the last thing you want (besides a legion of pissed off rioters chasing you up your driveway) is to have to fumble with your keys when you get to the door. With the NextBolt NX3, you just pull the cover up, swipe a digit and—boom—easy entry. It also includes a high pitched alarm to let you know that said legion has kicked in said door (note to self—buy stronger door). $300

11 Tools to Turn Your Home Into A Fortress

Hoyos Eyelock USB Iris scanner


Using passwords alone in high-security situations is a terrible idea. You know it, I know, the President of the USA knows it. So when you're trying to prevent unauthorized access to all those naughty pictures on your hard drive, you'll have to do better than "password." The Hoyos Eyelock uses your iris as your access token. The iris is much harder to spoof than fingerprints and much harder to crack than a password (because it's your EYES). $100

11 Tools to Turn Your Home Into A Fortress

Victorinox 16GB Secure


So you've accessed your system and collected the files you need, where do you download them to? If you value your data, you'll put them on a Victorinox 16GB Secure USB thumb drive. It's got a fingerprint reader that measures the amount of oxygen in your blood so disembodied fingers won't work, and uses proprietary data encryption technology (both hardware and software) that makes it impenetrable to known hacking techniques.$125

11 Tools to Turn Your Home Into A Fortress

ThermoVision A320 Infrared Camera

Normal security cameras have one obvious flaw: they don't work against ninjas. The ThermoVision A320 does. It sees in infrared so unless said ninjas are zombies as well, their body heat will give them away. $12,000

11 Tools to Turn Your Home Into A Fortress

ZoneAlarm Firewall

Do you leave your front door wide open when you leave your house? Of course not—there's looting in the streets. Then why do you leave your home network unprotected? ZoneAlarm Firewall software will lock your system down tighter than your head in that vice grip Vinny's gonna put you in.
$Free

11 Tools to Turn Your Home Into A Fortress

Gaffco Safe Room


If you've run out of options that involve you escaping the riots, duck into a safe room to take a breather and think things through. The Gaffco Safe Room is custom-designed to your specific needs and range from simple security sheds to opulent panic rooms that would put Jodie Foster to shame. $10,000-250,000

11 Tools to Turn Your Home Into A Fortress

Electrochromic Privacy Glass


Jiminy Christmas, just how dumb are you? First you talk to the Feds—very bad call, by the way—then you install electrochromic privacy glass on your panic room?! Sure, it becomes opaque when you introduce an electric charge to the glass, but good god man it's not shatterproof! $Depends [Picture via Smart Glass]

11 Tools to Turn Your Home Into A Fortress

Hidden Wall Clock Camera

No need for infrared indoors as ninjas can't enter a home without an invitation—or was that vampires? Either way, subtlety is more appropriate for interior security. This hidden wall clock camera works in near pitch-black darkness (min .003 Lux) and sends signal using an included 2.4GHz transmitter. $500

Barrier1 Vehicle Arrestor


Deadbolts and slider chains are all well and good until somebody drives a truck through the front of your house. The Barrier1 Vehicle Arrestor will stop a 15,000 pound truck cold.

11 Tools to Turn Your Home Into A Fortress

CamoSystems Broad-Leaf Ultra-Lite Net


Swaddle your home in camo netting. If it's good enough to fool ducks, it'll likely trick a looter or two. $80/roll

11 Tools to Turn Your Home Into A Fortress

Moat

A moat? Yes, a motherf*cking moat. Just add water. And piranha—they're the rioter's natural predator. $The Price of a Shovel