The Internet Is Too F*cking Slow

I'm trying to download a couple of games that are 5-15GB each and also back up my entire hard drive and holy Christ it is taking forrrrreeeeeverrrrr.

Even with the relatively quick broadband available in New York City—relative to much of the country anyway—it's all very, very slow. I'm waiting 5 hours for a game and Windows Updates, even though they're all being pulled down at over a megabyte a second, and it's taking 20 days to back up my computer to the cloud at 500 kilobytes a second and it's kind of ridiculous. And while this is somewhat technoloony behavior now, it won't be for very long with physical media dying—hello Windows and Mac App Store, Steam and Origin—and grrrrr slow internet slow.

I want to be playing my games right now and I want my computer to be safe and cozy in the cloud right now and I want to stream gigantic movies at ridiculous bitrates right now and everything else I do on the internet right now.

What I'm saying is, the internet is too fucking slow.