Rumors are flying that in a bid to get some original content, Amazon is close to pushing through a musical comedy about four interns working for a “Huffington Post-esque” website, a project that was previously dropped (and rightly so) by CBS. What could possibly come of this? We thought long and hard about it, and here’s what it might look like (as imagined by yours truly, once an intern though not here). It ain’t pretty.
INTERIOR: HALLWAY
Four chairs are lined against the wall, the first three occupied by INTERNS 1, 2, and 3. The first two sit staring at their phones. INTERN 3 has removed his shoe, placed it in his lap, and he is staring at it expectantly. INTERN 4 enters.
INTERN 4:
Hi, my name is [INTERN 4], are you guys here to to work for [HUFFINGTON POST-ESQUE] company too?
INTERNS 1 and 2 look up and nod. INTERN 3 sniffs his shoe.
INTERN 4: Why did you guys apply?!
INTERN 1:
I’m hoping that this can somehow improve my Klout score.
INTERN 2:
I’m a masochist; I’m here for the free abuse.
[laugh track]
INTERN 3:
*Sniffs shoe* I have a degree in philosophy; I am the zany one.
INTERNS 1,2, and 3 IN UNISON:
How about you!?
[Music begins]
INTERN 4:
(with a shit-eating grin) Well, you might say I’m something of a professional…
(To the tune of the Modern Major-General’s Song)
“I am the very model of an intern unreliable.
My social skills are quite a mess, my ethics rather pliable.
I once aspired to lead but now I hope for something better yet:
I long to be a person people scream at on the Internet.
I cannot write, I cannot spell, my intellect is laughable.
For someone who’s effectively a slave, I’m oddly affable.
The problem is, my friends, there is but one thing I’m proficient at,
My greatest asset to this place is acting as a welcome mat.”
Ad nauseam (i.e. like five more seconds)
