I don't know why I enjoy this quick little video so much but I've watched it over and over. It's probably because anything involving a taser is always hilarious unless you're the person the taser wants to involve. It's probably also because even though a taser can turn a grown man into a baby, it cannot do anything to …

These days, there isn't much the cops can't taze you for—exercising your First Amendment rights, cutting in line at McDonalds, even just not signing your speeding ticket. Apparently in Chicago, that list also includes ripping up a parking ticket in front of the issuing officer. RESPECT THEIR AUTHORITAH!

Sometimes, academic journals have the best stories. Like last week's issue of Forensic Science International, which describes how a man had a a drunken confrontation with the police and ended up with a taser dart stuck in his brain.

This is William C. Todd. He may have just shattered the record for the craziest and fastest crime spree in American history: ten felonies in just nine hours. The list of crimes is so insane and absurd that it seems impossible:

Taser rolled out a new line of body-wearable cameras for law enforcement today, the Axon Flex line, designed to be worn on sunglasses and record then upload video to the cloud from the officer's point of view. They're delightfully frightening!

Evangeline Marrero Lucca, 37 years old and devoted Chicken McNuggets with curry sauce fan, got tasered at a McDonald's drive-through by police officers. She cut into the car line and then refused to move and wait her turn when instructed to do so.

Everyone wants to have a super power. But not everybody is willing to strap a battery and capacitor-filled Altoid tin to their wrist to create taser gloves. Stopping crime is important, but where am I expected to put my mints?

This is outrageous. Officers in London, Ontario approached this fight this Thursday with the hope of stopping it. The response was to tase the youth in the face. In what world is that appropriate?

Most tasers are pretty lackluster. Yeah, your victim will collapse to the ground, writhing in a heap of electro-shocked Luke Skywalker pain. And maybe die. But wouldn't it be better if you could shoot the taser out of a shotgun?

Getting socked in the jaw really sucks. But at least you didn't get popped by someone wearing the BodyGuard electro-gauntlet, which combines a laser pointer, video camera, taser, and armored beating-plate into one wonderful little garment.