Every year, PNC calculates the Christmas Price Index—how much it would cost to actually purchase the cascade of of gifts the hapless sap in "The 12 Days of Christmas" gives to his true love. This year's tally: more than 100K on the 364 gifts. Seriously dude? Here's a much better plan of a attack.
So let me get this straight: You're a rich guy so you're going to spend $101,119 in 12 days on useless crap like lords a' leaping. I get that she's your true love or whatever, but can you really justify dropping five grand on two days of 11 piping pipers? Do you know how big of a TV you can get for $5000? And how loud that many pipers can be?
Forget it, man—any girl who's that into swans is more trouble than she's worth. Instead, stock up over 12 days with this righteous gear that first in the same budget. We even had 454 bucks to spare. Team trip to Applebees! [PNC via WaPo]
Screw the partridge. On the first day of Christmas treat yourself to a freaking huge TV. 80 inches! Michael Jordan wasn't even 80 inches tall, and look at all his championship rings (just go with it). For today, don't even set it up. Just plug it in, turn it on, and bask in the faint back-lit glow of glorious excess. $5500 [Sharp]
Now there's absolutely no point in having a TV that huge if you're not gonna hook it up to some to a serious sound system—other than spending the money, of course. This supersonic setup from Monitor Audio should do the trick. They're beautifully balanced and ooooo pretty. $3437/$399 [Monitor Audio and Pioneer]
The home theater is all set, but that doesn't mean you should start eyeing those French hens. Let's talk about where you're going to sit your ass down when you're enjoying 80 diagonal inches of Mad Men. The Eames Sofa was the last piece of furniture designed by the Eames Design House, so it's a fitting place to make your last stand. $9299 [Herman Miller]
Dude, you've been sitting inside for three days straight. Go outside and take a walk or something. Not so fast! Grab these Porche sunglasses to shield your eyes from the sun. Porche shades are perennial favorites of everyone from M.C. Hammer to Kanye West; isn't it time you joined that lineage? $413 [Porsche Design]
The holidays are such a lovely time of year. Scoop up Leica's famously perfect, famously expensive king of the DSLRs to document the jovial consumerism of the frantic masses. The Leica S2 shoots at preposterously high quality thanks to its 30 x 45 mm (!) 37.5 (!!) megapixel CCD sensor. $22995/$4995 [Leica]
Geese-a-laying? Yawn. So stationary. Let's talk about a customizable RC car with a 29CC gasoline engine that roars across the landscape of your domain at up to 40 mph. Now that's a toy. $2099 [HPI Racing]
You certainly don't need to spend this much money to get a great Gibson guitar, but compared to the $44,000 you were about to spend providing your love with seven swans-a-swimming for six days straight, the Gibson Citation is beautul bargain. Use this meticulously built archtop—modeled after Orville Gibson's original guitar design—to write songs for your next true love. She's surely just around the corner. Especially after she sees you in those Porche shades. $33,059 [Gibson]
The coolest thing about being a rich guy? Getting to own one of those rich guy watches. Behind the hands on the face of this French ode to excess is turbine made of 12 titanium blades, which spins hypnotically as you walk around because that's something rich people enjoy. $5000 [Tourneau]
No matter how hard you try to avoid it, sooner or later you're going to have to do some manual labor. But just because you're doing a commoner's work doesn't mean you have to use a commoner's tools. Strap this diesel Festool cordless drill to your belt. You know it'll get the job done because it's German. $460 [Festool]
So. Many. Knives. Knives for everything! Think how much fun it will be to prepare foods with this 25-piece set of kitchen tools. Besides almost any class of knife you can think of, this carbon steel assortment also has a lemon zester, an apple corer, a melon baller and two (!) different larding needles. And yes, it's German, too. $2600[Wusthof]
It can't be all fun and games. Get down to business at this classic piece of modernist furniture. The handcrafted galvanized steel will do wonders for your productivity. And even if you're too busy with all your new toys to get much work done, well, at least you'll look good not doing it. $4810 [The Conran Shop]
It's understandable that you're going to want to email your now ex pictures of all the fun you're having. And you might as well send them from the most powerful computer in Apple's line-up. Twelve cores are useful. Twelve drummers drumming will probably drive you insane. The choice should be obvious. And pretty soon, it might just be an antique. $4900/$999 [Apple]