On the final day of this nightmare election, it might feel like the end of the world, but Barack Obama spoke to Buzzfeed News on Tuesday to confirm that, whatever the results, the Sun, our master, giver of all life, will once again kiss this gentle planet.
“Have a good night, everybody,” said Obama. “And remember, no matter what happens, the Sun will rise in the morning and America will still be the greatest nation on Earth.”
It’s unclear how the President arrived at this conclusion. Using the rule of succession, 18th century French statistician Pierre-Simon Laplace famously pegged the odds of the sun rising tomorrow at 1826251 to 1. More recently, an alleged Earth science teacher on Yahoo Answers said the chances of the world ending tomorrow are “very slim.”
Either way, we can take comfort in the fact that it will all be over soon.