Jesus Diaz, Author at Gizmodo

Why the hell does Mario have to rescue Princess Peach?

Is it really worth it, Mario? She keeps running away, you keep dying and spending your lives and you never get anything out of this except your own unrequited love. It’s time to find someone else, man. Or just enjoy life and hang out with some Koopas. Let Bowser deal with that shit. Update from…

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Dreadful woman tries to abash man for rejecting her after three dates

Princess Snowflake Quin Woodward Pu—self-described as a “a 25-year-old with two published books and a condo”—seems to be mentally and/or emotionally unbalanced enough to try to humiliate a man who rejected her via text after only three dates, forwarding said man’s texts to his employers. http://gawker.com/guy-breaks-up-with-girl-by-text-girl-publicly-shames-g-1389989148

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Scientists discover a way to make real life lightsabers

It’s no science fiction anymore: clumping photons into molecules, scientists have discovered a completely new form of matter that works just like the lightsabers in Star Wars. “The physics of what’s happening is similar to what we see in the movies,” said one of the researchers. Don’t expect actual lightsabers in your nearer Wal-Mart anytime…

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US military journal predicted Kenya’s mall terrorist attack scenario

Two retired U.S. Lieutenant Colonels predicted the Nairobi mall terrorist attack scenario in the September/October 2003 edition of Military Review. The worst thing is that a) their solutions are appalling and b) they say it’s bound to happen again, perhaps in a stadium or a mall in the United States. Photo by AP Images https://gizmodo.com/what-kenyas-mall-siege-reveals-about-the-urban-future-1379625024

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You won’t believe this amazing video is just an optical illusion

These boxes aren’t real. They’re made of light, created with a technique called projection mapping, which uses projectors and perspective-corrected graphics to create the illusion of alternate dimensions in real life. The best example I’ve ever seen, by far. https://gizmodo.com/this-short-film-just-took-projection-mapping-to-the-nex-1383033085

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Luke was going to become Vader, destroy the Rebels and become Emperor

Did you know that George Lucas originally wanted Luke Skywalker to become Darth Vader at the end of Return of the Jedi? His last lines were going to be “Now I am Vader. Now I will go and kill the [Rebel] fleet and I will rule the universe.” That would have been cool. It’s one…

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Miley Cyrus became Miley Cyrus because of Detroit, says Miley Cyrus

Blame Miley Cyrus on Detroit, people: “Detroit’s where I felt like I really grew up. It was only for a summer, but that’s where I started going to clubs, where I got my first tattoo. Well, not my first tattoo, but my first without my mom’s consent.” Poor Detroit. https://jalopnik.com/how-miley-cyrus-accidentally-enraged-all-of-detroit-wit-1381008264

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The most expensive delivery car in the world is in Dubai—of course

At 220MPH, the $580,000 Jaguar XJ220 is not the fastest or the most expensive car in the world. But, in Dubai, a company called Mooyah will deliver burger and fries to your door using it, which makes it the fastest and most expensive delivery car in the world. https://crankandpiston.kinja.com/jaguar-xj220-fastest-delivery-vehicle-in-the-world-1364969435

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Gooey bomb: Fried chicken, mozzarella sticks and cheese sauce sandwich

Jack in the Box has new improvised explosive caloric devices in its menu. Check out this disgusting—and probably delicious—fried chicken sandwich with mozzarella cheese sticks and white cheese sauce. https://thisiswhyyourefat.kinja.com/jack-in-the-box-exploding-cheesy-chicken-sandwich-1384005267

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President wannabe Ted Cruz impersonates Darth Vader, talks Green Eggs

Ted Cruz—a rabid anti-Obamacare Republican Senator from Texas and 2016 Presidential candidate wannabe—has been talking non stop for more than 20 hours in the Senate, in a futile try to stop a bill he supports. In the process, the multi-talented Cruz is saying a lot of things, like “my father invented Green Eggs and Ham,”…

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Which former Disney star allegedly passed out from drug overdose?

The National Enquirer has allegedly scooped a photo of this actor? singer? former Disney star passed out in the Thompson Hotel last January, after an overdose of Oxycontin aka hillbilly heroin. https://jezebel.com/zac-efron-passed-out-from-an-oxy-overdose-and-some-jerk-1382787491

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Thousands of fans are screaming for a Mariano Rivera bobblehead

After retiring this year, Mariano Rivera will become a baseball legend. Which is why 18,000 fans are now at the New York Yankees’ stadium eager to get their free Rivera bobblehead. But tragedy! There are no bobble heads in sight. Come on New York, it’s time to start rioting. https://deadspin.com/mariano-rivera-bobblehead-night-is-a-fiasco-1379900267

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Did you know that famous DJs can get paid $300,000 per gig?

Gawker’s Rich Juzwiak cherry-picks the ten most depressing excerpts of “Night Club Royale,” an article on the state of dance music and partying in Las Vegas casinos’ nightclubs. And while $300,000 salaries per gig and private jets for—fake, since they don’t actually DJ anything—DJs are nothing new, it’s still a sickening and depressing story. http://gawker.com/the-10-most-depressing-parts-of-the-new-yorkers-e-d-m-1379714380

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A silent but deadly fart: Nick Offerman and Megan Mullally’s marriage

“I wish I had a huge fart saved up to describe our love: silent but deadly,” says Nick Offerman about her love with Megan Mullally. It’s also hilarious and occasionally noxious, says Playboy’s Danielle Bacher in this equally hilarious and occasionally noxious article. Photo by Getty Images https://playboysfw.kinja.com/the-hilarious-occasionally-noxious-marriage-of-nick-o-1374258342

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The ultimate dream of every nerd in the world

One of my two dreams is about to become a “reality:” Fly like Luke Skywalker in an X-Wing fighter, swooshing across the Death Star trench in a run to kill the Empire’s space station. All thanks to the Oculus Rift—the first virtual reality headset that truly makes you feel in an alternative reality. I just…

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Rejoice watching this road douchebag getting instantly punished

There are few things more enjoyable than seeing someone getting instantly punished for a bad action. Here’s a perfect example. Enjoy! https://jalopnik.com/watch-a-road-raging-asshat-get-instant-karma-via-a-tram-1377023101

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Which TV star just said the Emmys were a dated embarrassing whitewash?

The protagonist of this Emmy-awarded series about the lives of surgeons—which uses “a color-blind casting technique” to represent “the world that [she] walks around in every day”—said that she didn’t see any diversity in the Emmys at all. https://jezebel.com/ellen-pompeo-thought-the-emmys-were-racist-and-embarass-1376427369

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How to run like a champ without hurting yourself

If you like to run to keep yourself in shape, you need to read this guide by running coach Jason Fitzgerald. Patience, other kinds of exercise, and even napping—among other things—are all necessary to run effectively and not get hurt. https://lifehacker.com/seven-things-i-wish-i-knew-when-i-started-running-1370937569

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Chewbacca may return to the next Star Wars movie

A casting call shows that JJ Abrams may be planning to bring the legendary wookie Chewbacca back to the new Star Wars movie. Peter Mayhew—the actor who played Han Solo’s buddy in the original trilogy—may have too many health problems to reprise his role, but nobody will notice. http://gawker.com/tsa-attempts-to-confiscate-chewbacca-actors-light-sabe-512212752 Luke, Han and Leia, on the…

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People have been addicted to this stupid game for seventeen years now

Pokemon. I remember playing it a couple times and it was more boring than C-SPAN. But it’s one of the most popular games in history. People have been playing this video game—which started as a card game—for seventeen years now. Insane. https://kotaku.com/seventeen-years-of-pokemon-in-a-single-image-1376377672

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Jesus Diaz

Why the hell does Mario have to rescue Princess Peach?

Dreadful woman tries to abash man for rejecting her after three dates

Scientists discover a way to make real life lightsabers

US military journal predicted Kenya’s mall terrorist attack scenario

You won’t believe this amazing video is just an optical illusion

Luke was going to become Vader, destroy the Rebels and become Emperor

Miley Cyrus became Miley Cyrus because of Detroit, says Miley Cyrus

The most expensive delivery car in the world is in Dubai—of course

Gooey bomb: Fried chicken, mozzarella sticks and cheese sauce sandwich

President wannabe Ted Cruz impersonates Darth Vader, talks Green Eggs

Which former Disney star allegedly passed out from drug overdose?

Thousands of fans are screaming for a Mariano Rivera bobblehead

Did you know that famous DJs can get paid $300,000 per gig?

A silent but deadly fart: Nick Offerman and Megan Mullally’s marriage

The ultimate dream of every nerd in the world

Rejoice watching this road douchebag getting instantly punished

Which TV star just said the Emmys were a dated embarrassing whitewash?

How to run like a champ without hurting yourself

Chewbacca may return to the next Star Wars movie

People have been addicted to this stupid game for seventeen years now

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Elizabeth Olsen Promises She Knows Nothing About Her Marvel Future

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Asus ROG’s Cetra Open Wireless Gaming Earbuds Might Be Better Than Wearing a Headset