Bryan Johnson—the world’s foremost anti-aging advocate/influencer/freak show geek—first caught our collective eye as the tech millionaire obsessed with staving off death for as long as possible and willing to do outlandish things to that end. Hyperfixated on prolonging the inevitable, the Bryan we initially met had no qualms proclaiming to the world that he was injecting the blood and tracking the boners of his very own son in pursuit of this elusive goal.
For obvious reasons, this sort of self-sacrificial spectacle was catnip for journalists who initially promoted profiles on this curious specimen in the language of P.T. Barnum. Bryan’s 15 minutes could have ended there, but he proved to be such an earnest, quirky, and occasionally likable crowd-pleaser in the press that certain segments of the internet welcomed him as a new entry in the menagerie of “weird guys to be aware of.”
Mercifully, fame seems to have actually injected some semblance of normalcy into Bryan’s life. Former gawkers now somehow find ourselves in the role of well-wishers as a 48-year-old man overshares about doing drugs with and going down on his new girlfriend, who seems to be a real positive presence in his life.
You don’t stick your kid’s crude drawing to the fridge because it’s a masterwork. You do so because their inability to construct artifice lends an innocence and purity to the scribbled attempt at representation. And also because you care about them and see their growth happening in real time.
That being said, Bryan just tweeted a list of the 41 most important things he learned while tilting at the windmills of death defiance.
“This is it. Everything learned spending millions on longevity,” he begins before launching into a list full of non-surprises.
The entries are all generally agreed-upon bits of good advice: get enough sleep, eat healthier, avoid social media, etc. The only real “of the moment” standout is his suggestion that “If obese, look into a GLP.”
There’s not a whiff of vital-stat monitoring or plasma injections. No chugging vegetable slurries for sustenance. No keeping an eye on your poop “report card.” The headline-grabbing Netflix star of just a few years ago has ostensibly mellowed out into a sort of Silicon Valley version of “The Dude.”
While I’m sure we will hear plenty more reports of Bryan’s longevity-maxxing shenanigans in the years to come, this anodyne list reads as something of an end to the hero’s journey after that earlier era of self-mortification. Does this tweet mean the Project Blueprint founder has outgrown the longevity regimen that once cost him upwards of $2 million a year (and he’s now selling online)? I’d like to hope that at least some of those gimmicky expenses have been reallocated for better purposes. And let’s hope those hallucinogenic experiences have taught him the value of relinquishing control.
Death, of course, comes for us all. It remains to be seen if Bryan Johnson will be remembered as the man who outwitted the Grim Reaper. At the very least, we’ve all been treated to a heartwarming tale of a mixed-up ex-Mormon with the most placeholder name of all time carving out his place in the world, finding his path to a happier, transcended existence through sheer grit, unabashed weirdness, and lots and lots of money.
Here’s Johnson’s full list of health tips in case he relapses and deletes it:
0. Sleep is the world’s most powerful drug.
1. Be in your bed for 8 hours
2. Same bedtime every night, any time before midnight
3. Don’t eat right before bed
4. Calm foods for dinner
5. No screens 1 hour before bed
6. Avoid added sugar (be aware it’s in everything)
7. Avoid all things in an American convenience store
8. Avoid fried foods
9. Shoes off at the door
10. Eat whole foods, particularly veggies fruits nuts legumes berries
11. Walk a little after meals or air squats
12. Get your heart rate high routinely
13. Lift heavy things
14. Stretch daily
15. Water pik, floss, brush, tongue scrape, morning and night
16. Make an effort to drink water
17. Get sunlight when you wake up (UV is low)
18. Protect skin in midday sun
19. Stand up straight
20. See at least one friend once a week
21. Avoid plastic where you can (in all things)
22. Circulate air in rooms
23. When stressed, breathe, learn to calm your body
24. Go to the dentist
25. Avoid sitting for long times
26. Protect your hearing, the world is too loud
27. Alcohol is bad for you
28. Finish coffee before noon
29. Avoid bright lights after sunset
30. If obese, look into a GLP
31. Sleep in a cold room
32. Texting while driving is dangerous
33. Turn off all notifications
34. Limit social media use
35. Don’t smoke anything
36. If you struggle to sleep, read a physical book before bed
37. 1 hour before bed have a calm wind down routine: bath, read, light walk, listen to music
38. The body is a clock and loves routine. Have a daily morning and evening schedule.
39. Avoid long distance travel where you can
40. Baby steps first: incorporate new things slowly
41. Do less… most things don’t work.
