Facebook Terms of Service Deciphered For Dudes

Illustration for article titled Facebook Terms of Service Deciphered For Dudes

Facebook's constantly-evolving Terms of Service are too long and complex for most people to be bothered to read. So the dudes at Slacktory re-wrote the entire thing in bro-speak, yo. You can, like, understand it and stuff now.


It's actually quite the public service for anyone on Facebook. Have you actually read Facebook's terms of service start to finish? If so you're likely among a small minority of users. (And if not, you should. They're embedded below.)

And while Slacktory makes the text funny, the translation is actually quite faithful to the actual terms. So while it's an entertaining read, it's also (sadly) educational. Because instead of dense boring text like this:

Our goal is to deliver ads that are not only valuable to advertisers, but also valuable to you. In order to do that, you agree to the following:
1. You can use your privacy settings to limit how your name and profile picture may be associated with commercial, sponsored, or related content (such as a brand you like) served or enhanced by us. You give us permission to use your name and profile picture in connection with that content, subject to the limits you place.
2. We do not give your content or information to advertisers without your consent.
3. You understand that we may not always identify paid services and communications as such.


You get useful and easily digestible nuggs like this:

There's no way around it – we're going to show you some ads. But we have a vision, and that vision is that we'll show you ads that you actually want to see. Idealistic? Yes. Downright ludicrous? Maybe. But we like to dream big:

1. Sometimes we're going to use your picture and your name in ads. Maybe we'll tell your friends, "Hey guys! This guy over here likes this thing, shouldn't you?" It makes people buy more shit if we trick them like that. Since we're going to use your name and picture one way or the other, it's probably better if you tell us how you do and don't want it used.
2. Seriously, though, we promise not to tell advertisers anything about you without your permission. See? When you get to know us, we're not so bad.
3. On the other hand, we don't have to tell you shit, either. Sometimes you'll see something that looks like an ad, but maybe it isn't, and you'll be like, "Is that an ad, Facebook?" and we'll be like, "…Good question."

The whole thing (all 5600 words of it) is worth a look, if only because you may finally get around to reading something you've already agreed to if you're a Facebook user. And just to be safe, here are the real terms:


You can keep up with Mat Honan, the author of this post, on Twitter, Facebook, or Google+.


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FACEMAN. The man with a face.

and you'll be like, "Is that an ad, Facebook?" and we'll be like, "…Good question."

classy. very classy. if all terms of agreement were written this way i think people would actually read them. Then we might have a human centiPad that actually reads!