Fake Girlfriend Texting Service Is Actually Pretty Brilliant

Illustration for article titled Fake Girlfriend Texting Service Is Actually Pretty Brilliant

The notion of signing up for automated calls and texts from a machine pretending to be your girlfriend sounds pathetic—and I don't blame you for assuming it is. But here's why it's genius.

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Life is filled with horrible social obligations: forced conversations, stilted smalltalk, uncomfortable appearances. A girlfriend is the ultimate excuse.

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"I'm sorry, can't make it, it's my anniversary with __________."
"Hey I'd love to stop by, but ______________."
"Ah, shit! I'm actually busy that night, __________ just called and we've got dinner plans."

Etc.

As Runnin' Scared's Jen Doll explains, FakeGirlfriend.co provides that service. Sure, maybe it's aimed at people who are genuinely lonely and are getting off on fake messages like these:

"I miss you, honey. xoxo. (:",
"When are you going to come see me?!?! I miss you! :0)",
"I'm lonely ;) ;) hehehe",
"Why don't you leave the boys and come hang out with me?",
"I wish I was with you!!! (0:",
"I just need someone to talk to... Call me?",
"Thanks so much for the pics ;) I'll send some soon (:",
"I <3 you. xoxoxoxo. <3 <3 <3 <3",
"Oh hai! (0:",
"THANKS FOR THE FLOWERS!!!"

But I see FakeGirlfriend as a utility. The ultimate excuse. The social eject button. Women often put rings on their fingers as an excuse to avoid skeezy guys—now we can use a fabricated text from a significant other to get the hell outta there, wherever there is. And don't worry, a FakeBoyfriend is on the way, says the site's creator, ​Ricky Robinett. Equal opportunity artifice. [Runnin' Scared]

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DISCUSSION

ding-dang
Ding-DangBlog

This reminds me of the early 90's when I couldn't afford a pager. I came up with a great solution for having to leave social situaitons early until some wise ass realized what was really clipped to my belt was a garage door remote.