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Fake Girlfriend Texting Service Is Actually Pretty Brilliant

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The notion of signing up for automated calls and texts from a machine pretending to be your girlfriend sounds pathetic—and I don't blame you for assuming it is. But here's why it's genius.

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Life is filled with horrible social obligations: forced conversations, stilted smalltalk, uncomfortable appearances. A girlfriend is the ultimate excuse.

"I'm sorry, can't make it, it's my anniversary with __________."
"Hey I'd love to stop by, but ______________."
"Ah, shit! I'm actually busy that night, __________ just called and we've got dinner plans."

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Etc.

As Runnin' Scared's Jen Doll explains, FakeGirlfriend.co provides that service. Sure, maybe it's aimed at people who are genuinely lonely and are getting off on fake messages like these:

"I miss you, honey. xoxo. (:",
"When are you going to come see me?!?! I miss you! :0)",
"I'm lonely ;) ;) hehehe",
"Why don't you leave the boys and come hang out with me?",
"I wish I was with you!!! (0:",
"I just need someone to talk to... Call me?",
"Thanks so much for the pics ;) I'll send some soon (:",
"I <3 you. xoxoxoxo. <3 <3 <3 <3",
"Oh hai! (0:",
"THANKS FOR THE FLOWERS!!!"

But I see FakeGirlfriend as a utility. The ultimate excuse. The social eject button. Women often put rings on their fingers as an excuse to avoid skeezy guys—now we can use a fabricated text from a significant other to get the hell outta there, wherever there is. And don't worry, a FakeBoyfriend is on the way, says the site's creator, ​Ricky Robinett. Equal opportunity artifice. [Runnin' Scared]