Which Type of Candy is Scientifically the Best?

Illustration for article titled Which Type of Candy is Scientifically the Best?

Halloween is nigh, which means it’s once again time to spend an agonizing twenty minutes in the snack aisle at your grocery store asking yourself a soul-searching question: Which type of candy should I buy?

Unfortunately, it’s getting harder each passing year to sift through the deluge of Halloween-themed garbage confections — this year’s top atrocities include candy corn-flavored Peeps, which Gizmodo’s Alissa Walker warns could be a “sign of the End Times” — and pick out the scientifically-superior sweets.

Wait. That’s it! We need science to answer this question.

In a selfless act that promises to settle the Reese’s vs. Butterfinger debate once and for all, BoingBoing’s David Ng and Ben Cohen have just released the official 2015 Candy Hierarchy Survey. It’s the second year in a row that they’ve done so, and the ad-hoc researchers have apparently grown more ambitious in their sociological exploration of the candy preference landscape. This year’s survey not only asks you to check “Joy” or “Despair” next to a number of hauntingly familiar technically-food items, it includes questions aimed to gauge the character of the survey takers (you!), because reasons that will be determined post facto quality science demands metadata.


Don’t let me keep you — take the survey right now so we can all learn the correct answer to this maddening question and never again be fooled into purchasing Twizzlers. Consider it your civic duty for the week.

[Boing Boing]

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You don’t need science. It is clearly obvious.

The Snickers bar is the king of all candy bars. It is head and shoulders above the rest. It is “all other candy bars and Snickers”.

The candy bar is the best form of candy.

Therefore, the Snickers bar is the best candy there is.

Anyone who disagrees with this is patently incorrect and their reasoning is flawed.