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Microsoft Wants Your Next WP7 Software Update to Be a Surprise

Illustration for article titled Microsoft Wants Your Next WP7 Software Update to Be a Surprise

Getting a firmware upgrade notification is like getting an early birthday present—you're extra excited because it's so unexpected. Now, Microsoft is ensuring that every new WP7 update gives you that "early present feeling" by killing off its popular Where's My Phone Update feature. But why?


Microsoft announced on Friday that it "won't be individually detailing country, model, and carrier details…any longer," according to company spokesman, Eric Hautala. He gave no immediate reason for the company's action though, as the Verge points out, probably has something to do with its latest update, build 8107, that allows carriers to revoke a bevy of digital certificates. This would allow them to nix any number of future security and performance fixes before they ever reach the end user.

Thank you, Microsoft, for helping me maintain my sense of childhood wonder at the expense of knowing how long I'll have to wait for you guys to roll out the next batch of bug fixes. [The Verge]

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This is all well and good considering an update for your phone to be like a birthday or Christmas present. But come on, whenever you know there is a gift coming but you can't help but turn into a little bit of a spoiled brat.

Imagine it's Christmas time, and you're using a HTC Magic. The only reason you're using it is because you've exploited your contract for all it's worth, you've cancelled your reasonable contract with your very highly acquainted network. You had a great experience with it but you're ready for your next ball and chain, sorry. Phone.

You know, or atleast you're highly convinced that come with morning of the 25th of December you'll be joyously separating the dense cardboard of the packaging of an iPhone 4S. The latest and greatest handset from a company that not only assures quality, but oozes cool.

So there you are, scrambling down the stairs like a Jack Russel smelling beef and subsequently darting to the kitchen. You charge towards the tree and immediately set your gaze to the bottom. You know due to your periodic tom foolery which presents are yours and which are your families but you only set your eyes on the most iPhone like box of them all. You see one, it looks iPhone like. In the excitement you can't remember what the packaging of an iPhone looks like, you hope all your nagging, or subtle hints should I say have gone through to your parents but at the end of the day. You want your phone. Do you sit patiently and wait for your Mum to say "Oh, umm.. here you go sweetie. This ones for you!". Do you fuck, you start ripping through the paper of the iPhone like box in a manner that can only be compared to a meat grinder. Do you need a shredder? Hell no, you're making what the dog did to the yellow pages look like an art installation from Art Attack.

You've opened the present and had time to ponder upon your gift. It's a watch, from Argos. You needed a watch, you always usually used your HTC to tell the time but a watch is a fashionable way to display. You don't really wear watches, but you do what everyone else does on Christmas day and wear all the attire you've been gifted all at once. Yeah, so what if the dressing gown, hiking boots, watch, fingerless gloves and flanel shirt combination don't work. Your auntie spent her well earned money on your gift and you'll go to hell and back to appreciate it.

Looking at your new watch, you think. This doesn't have Siri, I can't flirt with my watch in a pub, or ask it where an abortion clinic is. It's a gift that you love, but it wasn't the gift that you wanted, was it?

Change a few things in that story like;

HTC Magic = Current Update

iPhone 4S = New Update

Watch = Not the update at all. A bit like a security update for OSX or W7

See what I mean?