On V, there's no breeding yet but at least Tyler finally got slapped

Once again V disappointed us by having no kinky sex or decent torture scenes to carry us through the lackluster action sequences and speeches from Anna about breeding and the human soul. Honestly, can't they just give her a new speech once in a while? We've heard her "human emotions" speech like twenty times and her "eradicate the human soul" promise for about four episodes in a row. The lady is an interplanetary dictator - are you telling me she can't come up with some new evil things to say? But I'll quit my whining because at last, as you can see in this clip, Tyler got the slap he deserved from Erica.


Spoilers ahead!

Let's dispense with the supposedly big plot twists

So I think the "big reveals" for this episode are supposed to be that Erica's husband Joe was killed and hot mercenary Hobbes is secretly working for Anna. In fact, Hobbes fell for the same dumb trick Ryan did - he allowed the Visitors to convince him that they have his long-lost girlfriend or daughter or whatever, and decided he'd be willing to blow up his friends to keep her safe. Really?

Actually the two things are linked, because Anna wants Eli dead just for fun, and wants Joe dead to make Tyler so bummed he'll get back on the V ship. So some V guy tells Hobbes, "He we have this chick you like - listen to her on my iPhone," and Hobbes for some reason BELIEVES the guy. And he agrees to blow up some of Eli's arsenal during a standoff between the Fifth column and the Feds. A standoff that just happens to involve Erica and Joe, veering between dangerous plot holes, and ends with Erica alive, and Joe and Eli dead. Oh, and Hobbes standing there with the detonator in his hands, wearing a "disguise" that consists of a trench coat and sunglasses.

Honestly it really made about that much sense.

I would like to note that Anna's perspective on Tyler has changed randomly

She's switched from last episode's "actually he's not that important - there are many others like him" stance, to "he's totally important get him to the ship right now so he can inject his genetically modified sperm into Lisa." So last week's hint that there are other "missing DNA chunks" kids out there was, I guess, a plot that went nowhere.

Anna's scariest weapon is making fathers deal with their crying babies

I love this scene where Anna tortures Ryan with his crying baby. She'll just keep crying until you relent and kill everybody!

Her other weapon continues to be the breeding program, or Tyler, or destroying the human soul. Oh and also? An almost fanatical devotion from the Pope. Yes, I have always wanted to say that in a situation where it was true, and V has provided it. The Pope wrote to Father Jack personally to tell him he's been "laicized," which is sort of like getting laid and aerobicized at the same time, and apparently also involves having his superior officer guy rip his collar off menacingly.

Yes, yes - we get it. This is all about saving our families.

During the limp standoff between the Feds and the Fifth Column, during which Erica whines at Ryan about betraying her and says a bunch of other stuff about looking into his eyes, we learn that Eli loves his family. That's right - his killing is all about family values. Also, did you love the bit where Eli calls Ryan "a Judas" as much as I did? The dude is Israeli, people. He DOESN'T DIG THE NEW TESTAMENT. He's definitely not going to be dropping J-bombs like somebody from the Spanish Inquisition.

Of course, nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.

But we did expect that Eli would be killed, and Tyler would defect to the Vs. And we also pretty much expected that Lisa would stop trying to get in bed with Tyler for five minutes and meet her grandmother so they could team up to kill Anna. Mostly because we saw that in the coming attractions last week.


Also, we fully expected that Erica - crowned queen of the Fifth Column by Eli for her family values - would go totally offensive on Anna's ass. She's lost Joe and Tyler. Now it's time to get down to bizniz! OK, so the show can finally start now?

Tune in next week because we need to find out whether Erica is finally going to have a threesome with Father Jack (now newly laicized!) and Hobbes, while Tyler has a threesome with Lisa and her hot grandma. Meanwhile, Anna can have bliss with everybody. Seriously, can we just get back to the weird alien sex plan please?




Why do I keep torturing myself every week?

So is everyone in the "fifth column" a traitor? And none of these traitors has yet fingered the leaders?

The FBI aren't the least bit curious as to how first Elizabeth Mitchell's character got kidnapped and then suddenly her husband who was just outside is now a hostage too?

And apparently in the V world whenever anyone anonymously calls the FBI the entire FBI comes running?

Again, why aren't they telling the public what the Vs really look like?

Terrorists just leave their bomb vests sitting around armed?