Six Tools to Help Terrorize Children During Krampusnacht

Illustration for article titled Six Tools to Help Terrorize Children During Krampusnacht

Oh man, do you know what tonight is? IT'S KRAMPUSNACHT!!! Wait, you mean you've never heard of Krampusnacht? It's only the most amazing day of the holiday season.

First things first, you should read this and this. Yes, Krampusnacht is the night in which Krampus, a cloven-hoofed demon gets piss-drunk and terrorizes children who have been naughty and makes them regret ever being excited for Christmas. Guess what? YOU can become Krampus this year. Here are six tools to help. Top Image via Krampus.com

Illustration for article titled Six Tools to Help Terrorize Children During Krampusnacht
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Krampus Suit

You can't just run around as your drunk self and expect to frighten anyone. And you can't expect to really embody the essence of Krampus without really stepping into his skin. You need a Krampus suit. For all intents and purposes, a mask such as this, combined with a black cape, should do just fine. $35

Illustration for article titled Six Tools to Help Terrorize Children During Krampusnacht

Absinthe

The best, and most traditional way, to really sell yourself as Krampus is to drink a disturbing amount of 180-proof Absinthe. The drink is traditionally consumed during Krampusnacht and not only will it get you DRUNK, you may or may not hallucinate. $90

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Illustration for article titled Six Tools to Help Terrorize Children During Krampusnacht

Barrel

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This is the first of awful things you will do to children. You will stuff them in barrels and make them cry. Seeing as it's now 2010 and there likely aren't barrels readily available in your neighborhood, you're going to need a solid one. I recommend a wood barrel for its old world feel and added splinter bonus. $195

Illustration for article titled Six Tools to Help Terrorize Children During Krampusnacht
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Satchel (or a Timbuk2 Bag)

Know what Krampus does to kids? He swoops them up and carries them around in a Satchel. I'm not really surewhat he does with them afterwards, but if you're going to be Krampus, you're gonna have to do the same. A big Timbuktu bag should do the trick. $110

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Illustration for article titled Six Tools to Help Terrorize Children During Krampusnacht

Birch Switch

Krampus also delivers some corporal punishment to bratty youths. His weapon of choice is a birch switch—or multiple birch switches—which is used to apply a beatdown to the backside of children. But honestly, any bundle of tree branches will probably work. FreeImage via RKramer62

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Illustration for article titled Six Tools to Help Terrorize Children During Krampusnacht

A Lawyer

Are you kidding me?! Going around your neighborhood as Krampus is a TERRIBLE TERRIBLE TERRIBLE idea. I WAS JOKING (MOSTLY). Besides the fact that you're drunk in public while assaulting, abducting and molesting children, I doubt anyone around you will appreciate the context under wich you're masquerading around as a drunken demon. But if you actually went through with this, you better get yourself some good representation.

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DISCUSSION

lightnquick001
lightnquick

Waaaaiiit a minute - there's some confusion here: On the evening of Dec 5th (central) Europe celebrates St. Nicklas. Which means, at least in Germany, that children put their boots out in front of the door. Some time in the evening, there's a loud knock on the door (conspicuously, Dad is nowhere to be found at that very moment), and the kids rush to open the door, and find their boots filled with, traditionally, oranges, mandarines, walnuts, dried figs and dates. Dad, all of a sudden, emerges from somewhere in the house, and goes like "kids, it sounds to me as if St Nicklas knocked at the door - better have a look!"

Alternatively, St. Nicklas is at the door (resembling, somehow, Dad behind a white beard), and, if it's in the southern part of the country, he might be accompanied by the 'Krampus'. Yes, he is a heathenly character, representing the 'dark side'. Kids who weren't that good used to get some lashes with his birch twigs (if they hadn't already found only coal in their boots) - and it could be pretty scary, because, through the eyes of the kid, the parents (where was Dad, when you needed him? And why did that Krampus sound like your big brother??) didn't seem to interfere with that nasty bloke.

So, basically, the two represented the 'good cop, bad cop' couple, but the Krampus usually did not appear alone.