Sleaziest moments from Barb Wire, the post-apocalyptic fetish masterpiece

Everybody knows the world is going to be much sexier after the apocalypse. Exhibit A: Barb Wire, the trash orgy starring Pamela Anderson as a stripper who fights for freedom. Or something. Here are the sleaziest moments (possibly NSFW).


In the scene above, the fascist authorities are torturing a woman for information about something plot-related, and in the fine tradition of quasi-porno science fiction movies, the torture is literally indistinguishable from sex. The woman is making orgasmic noises, plus she's naked except for bizarre gear attached to her breasts and crotch. It's one of the most lurid scenes we've ever seen, and we can't believe it's work-safe.

So in Barb Wire, based on the Dark Horse Comics title that you can probably find in your local store's quarter bins, Pamela Anderson is the former Barbara Kopetsky, now turned Barb Wire — and her main character traits are that she dresses in fetish wear, and hates it if men call her "Babe." Which happens pretty much every fifteen minutes in this film. Barb owns a bar in the last free city in America, and she'll do side jobs, like hunt down bail-jumpers, for extra money. All of her jobs seem to involve posing as a stripper or a prostitute because, as she says, "You've gotta use what you got." Oh, and her bar is also staffed by a bald Udo Kier (sometimes wearing a bizarre wig) and guarded by Camille, the dog that Barb has trained to bite men in the crotch.

Perhaps the film's porniest sequence is the opening credits, where Barb is posing as a stripper, with tons of water, Flashdance-style. And one unfortunate guy in the audience makes hte mistake of calling her "Babe" — so he gets her shoe in the mouth. This is the most empowering moment in the entire film — sadly, it goes all downhill from here.

Later, we see Barb posing as a sex worker instead of a stripper, and she actually shows people her sex-worker license, which is kind of cool. And one guy asks her if she's a cop, to which she makes the immortal reply:

And then she takes that guy up to his apartment, where he goes to the bathroom —- without washing his hands. But wait a minute! He's wearing gloves. Did he use the toilet, fail to wash his hands and then put on the gloves? Or was he supposed to wash the gloves? I'm obviously overthinking. Anyway, Barb, posing as a pro domme now, shows the guy the punishment for using the loo without washing up afterwards:

And then finally, she's beaten up a whole host of men, and one of them makes the mistake of calling her "Babe." So she shoots him so many times he falls out a window (still apparently not bleeding or hurt in any way.) And then she repeats her catchphrase about not calling her "Babe." Except that — horrors! — she's broken a nail:

Want more Barb Wire horribleness? The Agony Booth has a lengthy, pain-filled recap.



My IQ never recovered after watching 5 minutes of this crap.