Illustration for article titled Some Pretty Good Twitter Handles That May Soon Become Available
Screenshot: Bryan Menegus (Twitter)

Twitter is gearing up to remove scads of inactive accounts. That means one thing and one thing only: one lucky idiot might soon have rights to the handle @sexhaver, leaving the rest of us (losers; virgins) in their digital dust.

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More specifically, Twitter has been sending mass emails with the subject “Don’t lose access to [@handle]” to account owners who haven’t logged in for six or more months. This phenomenon was documented first by the BBC’s Dave Lee, and Twitter later confirmed its intentions to the Verge’s Chris Welch.

Hanging onto primo Twitter handles apparently doesn’t require the current account-holders to actually engage on the site or tweet, though. According to a screenshot of the emails being sent to users, “you need to log in and follow the on-screen prompts before Dec. 11, 2019.” That’s it!

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Twitter also stressed that the cleanup won’t be a single, apocalyptic event for unused accounts, but a process over several months. The company also didn’t specify when these accounts would start to free up. And given that logging in is all that’s required to keep them off the market, we can’t say for sure what will or won’t become available. Below, however, is a shortlist of Pretty Good Handles belonging to accounts that haven’t had activity in six months or more. Don’t say we never did nothin’ for ya:

  • @blogking
  • @osamabinladen
  • @badguy
  • @baddestguy
  • @verybadman
  • @HeroDog
  • @skateboard
  • @luxurycommunism
  • @livelaffluv
  • @craigslist
  • @HellHat
  • @liquidsteak
  • @gillbates
  • @beffjezos
  • @spock
  • @FreeBitcoin
  • @operatorerror
  • @horsemoney
  • @coffeevortex
  • @sexonthemoon
  • @vomit
  • @gothwater
  • @LoudDrugs
  • @logoff
  • @witch
  • @myspace
  • @unions
  • @guillotine

“Where’s @weed?” you might ask, rightly. Twitter, narcs that they are, no longer allow the registration of names under five characters long. With that caveat in mind, if you think of better ones that belong to moribund accounts, leave them in the comments below.

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Senior reporter. Tech + labor /// bgmwrites@gmail.com Keybase: keybase.io/bryangm Securedrop: http://gmg7jl25ony5g7ws.onion/

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