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The amazing new Star Wars toys that will completely invalidate all your other Star Wars toys

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Hasbro has just revealed an all-new Star Wars action figure line, designed for the adult collector. Titled Star Wars Black, these figures will cost $20 each, stand 6-inches tall, have increased articulation, better sculpting, and more paint detail — they're essentially the Marvel Legends-esque Star Wars toys that fans have been clamoring for for years. The one small catch? If you've already been collecting 3-3/4-inch Star Wars figures for the last 18 years, you might as well throw them all in the trash.

Seriously. Because they are going to look horrible compared to these beauties. Look at the X-Wing Pilot Luke Skywalker, the first figure revealed, above. He's gorgeous. He's a tiny David of action figure perfection. He's not going to be in-scale with any of the other hundreds (or perhaps thousands) of figures you own. He's not going to fit in any of the vehicles. And he's going to be so superior to all your other toys that you'll have no choice but to start your entire collection over.


Hasbro's 3-3/4-inch toyline will continue, mostly for kids who watch Clone Wars. From USA Today:

"Our focus here is the adult collector, the dad," [Hasbro vice president of boys marketing Derryl DePriest says. "We know they have their own generation of youngsters they like to share the adventure with. It can be something for dad, and the 3¾ world can be something for the kids to share."


Because obviously only kids were buying all these little Star Wars figures, not adults. Why, it's absurd to think anyone other than kids would bother to purchase beloved favorites like the Rancor Keeper, Willrow Hood and Jek Porkins. Why, I saw a group of kids playing Star Wars on a playground the other day, and they were all fighting over who got to be the obese X-Wing pilot!


The first wave of four will be due out in mid-August, and include X-Wing Luke, R2-D2, Darth Maul, and a Sandtrooper (pics of those guys will assuredly pop up at the New York Toy Fair in a couple of weeks). I suggest starting the loan process now.