The Biggest YouTube Porn Fakeouts of All Time

Illustration for article titled The Biggest YouTube Porn Fakeouts of All Time

There’s a boring, obscure video on YouTube titled “Pregnancy Booster Clomid (Pregnancy Health Guru).” It has over 174 million views—beating famous songs by Katy Perry, Bieber, and Chris Brown. How? Like dozens of others, it’s pretend porn.

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This sad, bizarre phenomenon—short videos of awful quality and ostensibly zero entertainment value that have hundreds of millions of views—is out in the open. Just scroll through YouTube’s most viewed ever chart, and you’ll see the growing list of masturbatory deception. From the thumbnail, it looks like porn. Click it, and you get anti-porn. It explains the tens of thousands of dislikes from confused, disgruntled porn-seekers around the world, who for whatever reason think YouTube is the best place to catch a glimpse of coitus and/or a breast.

Not convinced? Here are a few of our favorite YouTube porn fake-outs:

An Experiment - 223,000,000+ Views

What it looks like: A young asian woman taking a shower.

What it is: A young asian woman shaking a bottle of soda until it explodes on her and then chanting wildly.

Sample disappointed comment: “The fuck just happened?”


Pregnancy Booster Clomid (Pregnancy Health Guru) - 174,000,000+ Views

What it looks like: A doctor who is probably soon going to lose his medical license sticking some sort of instrument into a vagina.

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What it is: A long, boring informercial for fertility medicine.

Sample disappointed comment: “pause at 0:54 and you can still beat off”




ຕລົກພື້ນບ້ານ ນິທານພື້ນເມືອງ-6 - 152,000,000+ Views

What it looks like: A man probing a woman’s ass by the river.

What it is: Holy hell if I know. She’s either constipated or pregnant, and then her bowels explode. She seems comfortable after.

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Sample disappointed comment: None. Comments disabled. Probably would have been something like “WTF WHERES THE ASS THUMBSUP IFYA LIEK ASS”

(Editor’s note: The original video appears to have been deleted, but we found a replacement with fewer views. Comments appear to verify that the original had hundreds of millions of views.)

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Please identify the music from this advert / commercial / advertisment MSN Changing Room - 131,000,000+ Views

What it looks like: A woman taking off her shirt.

What it is: A boring British commercial.

Sample disappointed comment: “I wonna see her titts!”

(Editor’s note: The original video appears to have been deleted. We have replaced it with another version.)

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Thai Hot Stem Massage - 69,000,000+ Views

What it looks like: Sex.

What it is: A boring instructional video centered around a wrinkly old white guy getting rubbed down.

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Sample disappointed comment: “Thumbs up if u thought this was a Doggystyle Video”

Update, 3:54 p.m., May 5, 2020: This post has been updated to remove several video embeds that no longer functioned.

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DISCUSSION

AndresMN
AndresMN

"pause at 0:54 and you can still beat off" This gave me a flashback to the 80s, trying to pause a movie in the exact second something showed in my mechanically operated beta-max buttons. It's bad enough you are seeking porn in youtube, but leaving a comment like this is just priceless