The Magic 8-Ball helped me decide to go to college. It helped me decide what to eat as a child and it's the reason I bought a Jazz drive. It's not infallible. The Onion Answer app is the logical next step in deciding my fate with inanimate objects.
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The Onion Magic Answer Ball app from the creators of The Onion returns a bit more adult answers to your queries. Ask it a questions and get responses like, "Sadly, yes," "Hell No," "Ask The Internet," "Seek Help," "Now You're Obsessing," "All Signs Point To Me Not Giving A S**t." Plus the app is pre-loaded with daily queries from The Onion staff.
If the app doesn't give you the correct answer, according to The Oinion, you're not shaking it hard enough. [iTunes via Nick Bilton]