The Only Thing This Fitness Monitor Can't Track Is Its Own Bullshit

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New fitness monitors always promise the world. Tracks everything! Keeps a log of your diet! Tells you how many calories you're burning! Weighs your baby unicorn for you! Please, I've been hurt before...

The NewYu fitness monitor is making all kinds of bold claims. It senses what activity you're doing just by tracking the motions you make. It'll even track how many calories you're burning while cooking or washing dishes. Oh yeah?

My enormous skepticism comes from the fact that while devices like this may be able to kinda "see" your motion they have no ability to chart resistance. For example when I'm biking uphill my legs are still making the same motion, but they're making that motion much slower than they were before. How can this thing tell that I'm pushing harder and that I haven't merely slowed down? Or that I've turned up the resistance on an elliptical machine? Without a heart-rate component, I don't see how I can, but perhaps I'll eat my words when I test it. It'll be available late August or early September for $99 bucks.