The Future Is Here
We may earn a commission from links on this page

The Secret Satanic Conspiracy Behind Madonna's Halftime Show

We may earn a commission from links on this page.

Sure, M.I.A.'s waggling middle finger caused a grand mal kerfuffle among the 37 Super Bowl viewers who were still sober enough to notice it. But far more insidious symbolism was at play during the 2012 halftime show. We are referring to, of course, the subliminal Satanic-Illuminati-Freemason messages that permeated Madonna's set.

What's that? You didn't see them? For shame! Well, fortunately for you, the internet is with teeming with eagle-eyed conspiracy theorists who can distinguish a covert Baphomet from your run-of-the-mill Rosicrucian sigil. Here are the underworld implications of Madge's song-and-dance number.

First off, here's the halftime show in case you missed it. Just to editorialize for a minute, last year's Black Eyed Peas performance was infinitely more hellish, but that halftime show was obviously in cahoots with the Antichrist's global technocalypse plot, which is a totally different thing. Also, fuck this year's show for no "La Isla Bonita." The only time a halftime show disappointed me more was when Prince eschewed "Erotic City."


Moving on, the show's pan-antiquity pageantry has caused a deluge of digital ink to engulf the electronic diaries of folks who presumably divined the name of JFK's true assassin from Where's Waldo books. Here are some salient observations from the website Hollywood Illuminati, who dubs the flippant M.I.A. a "Satanic rapping cheerleader":


One couldn't help but notice the two Satan horns coming up from Madonna's head gear. The Romans didn't wear helmets with horns nor can this be found in Egypt head gear being that she did mix in some Egyptian ritual dancing [...]

We see a black guy dancing around Madonna with Angel Wings and a harp. Lucifer, was the angel of music and the arts before he fell from heaven [...]

We see the male dancers doing acrobats for her track "Music". During this chaos, there were two male dancers that got down on all fours, like the Muslims do when they pray to Allah [...]

Well, someone really went the extra mile to indict both Islam and the greeting card industry! The Sumerian symbolism watchdog site Vigilant Citizen also weighs in and accuses Ms. Ciccone of aping the Babylonian deity Ishtar and brainwashing Nicky Minaj:

Instead of being presented as full-fledged artists contributing to Madonna's song, they are portrayed as her "minions" who are cheering for the industry's High Priestess. This "relationship" where Madonna is in power – and therefore the handler – is drenched in Mind Control symbolism, specifically Beta Programming, also know Sex Kitten Programming. Another symbol associated with Sex Kitten programming is feline prints clothing and textiles. The entire half-time show was an animal-print extravaganza.

I want the last line of that paragraph etched on my tombstone, but replace "the" with "his" and "half-time show" with "life." Finally, the blog Secret Sun has noted the parallels between Madonna's performance and minotaur dancing, a dark art one can only assume is taught by Lemmy Klimester during a blood moon. What hidden messages did you see during Breathless Mahoney's performance? Get paranoid in the comments!


Big ups to 99TelepodProblems and LightningLouie times infinity. Middle image via Infowars.