You can forget your Steve Jobs movies. What if Hollywood were to make a feature-length study of someone really important — like the king of enterprise computing, Michael Dell?

Conan has imagined how a trailer for such a blockbuster might turn out. Forget dramatic keynote scenes, because Dell “haven’t made any new computers yet, so we’ll... just keep selling the old ones for now.” Don’t expect shiny new prototypes, because the secret new project is a mouse pad, “free with ever shipment!” R&D can go take a hike, because the design philosophy is “to make these laptops really thick, with fans in the back so people can see them cooling down.”

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And if you’re after inspiration, remember just one thing: “Don’t think different; think same.”

[Conan]