Three New Ways to Open Up a Can of Whoop-Ass

This image was lost some time after publication, but you can still view it here.
This image was lost some time after publication, but you can still view it here.

Always looking for new ways to kill or maim people, the Defense Department has come up with a new vehicle that packs a three-way punch. Project Sheriff is now reportedly beyond the concept stage and on its way to Iraq, according to Inside Defense. In addition a variety of regular guns, it has a special package of non-lethal put-the-hurt-on-you gadgets that will be mounted on special $10.1 million military vehicles such as the one pictured here. The first thing this monster does is make tremendous noises with a Sonic Blaster that will hurt the ears of anyone nearby, hopefully scaring them away. Then, soldiers inside can break out the Laser Dazzler, searching for a telltale laser scope from snipers who might be hiding in the neighborhood. If all that racket and the laser light show doesn't work, then the ominously-named pain ray comes out to play, which is akin to a microwave that penetrates a 64th of an inch beneath the skin, causing excruciating pain. That's gotta hurt. If you're still resisting these guys at that point, well, sounds like they'll just open up a can of whoop-ass on you, filling the air with lead. I think by then, they ve figured that you're not an innocent bystander. If the army ultimately rejects this new sci-fi weapon, look for it to be rented out at S&M parties all over New York.


Pain Ray, Sonic Blaster, Laser Dazzler - All In One [DefenseTech]

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