I spent part of this year locked indoors writing a vampire guidebook. It’s out today, so let’s celebrate with a few pages, plus a look at a new Twilight tie-in product that puts the vampire sparkle dildo to shame.
https://gizmodo.com/twilight-inspired-sparkle-sex-toy-heralds-the-coming-ap-5344802
The vampire glut compelled me to put out a tongue-in-cheek guidebook, basically mapping out the types of vampire based on personality traits, physical features and habitual actions (among other things). Think of it as a How-To Guide, using popular culture as our teacher. For example, it’s important to get the word out to the folks reading Vampire Diaries and let them know that, repeat, reborn lovers were a common theme among vampires. Hopefully, it will encourage those excited about those trendy present-day vampires to reach out and explore more obscure things like the Dracula Hammer films and Preacher and other lesser known vamp commodities — and maybe teach them a lesson on how to interact with a modern day vampire.
It’s called Vampire Taxonomy, and it’s on sale today at bookstores and online. No, Mom, it’s not at Costco… Sorry.
Now let’s celebrate with these mouth facing crotch Twilight undies. Panties via Twitarded. You’ve really outdone yourself this time Twilight fans.
