The Future Is Here
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Twilight Inspired Sparkle Sex Toy Heralds The Coming Apocalypse

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Is there anything creepier than sex toys inspired by the pasty cast of Twilight? Behold the cold sparkle Vamp dildo. I shudder to think of the werewolf line. And no it is most definitely NSFW.

The Vamp is from Tantus and well it sparkles....

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But don't take their word for it, watch it glisten with an unholy sheen in the sunlight, just like Edward. Warning: video is not for the faint of heart.

And that's not even the best part. The Vamp can stay cold, like a *ahem* vampire's man-bits would be — or should be, I guess. No, I'm not making this up — this is what it says on the site:

Updated by popular request... Yes the The Vamp retains hot and cold temperature. Toss it in the fridge for that authentic experience.

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So if "nuked the fridge" is the new "jumped the shark." Can "sparkle-cocked" be the new "nuked the fridge?" I can see it now... "oh man they really sparkle-cocked in that last episode." Make it happen!