Microsoft Unveils Xbox 360 Family Timer, Starts Parents vs. Kids War

Sorry kids, but Microsoft knows that your parents are the members of the family holding the wallets. That's why they've gone and given them a big, red, NO FUN button that they can hit whenever they want in the form of the Xbox 360 Family Timer.

Essentially, it allows Mom and Dad to set how long each day or week their kids can shout racial epithets at strangers while playing Halo 3. It's going to drop to Xbox Live in early December, just in time to ruin Christmas. They also unveiled something called PACT, which is basically a "family contract" to foster family discussions about how long to sit in front of the TV. It'll come in handy if parents ever want to sue their kids for playing video games for too long, as it'll be down on legally-binding paper. Also, Jerry Rice was at the official announcement for some reason, apparently seen holding gigantic bags with big dollar signs on them in each hand while leaving.

I'm sorry, kids. If you were my spawn, I'd let you play video games as long as you wanted. I'd also let you drink beer. Then again, I'd also make you do my taxes and clean up my apartment every day, so maybe you should just be happy with what you've got.