Sorry, guys, but there’s really no other way to convey the complete WTFery of Gotham’s terrible but entertainingly insane season one finale than to list the many, many questions it left me with. Seriously, if anybody knows what the hell was up with the chicken, please let me know.
1. What the hell happened to Fish Mooney that she had to return to Gotham City in a dinghy?
2. What the hell happened to Fish Mooney’s hair?
3. What about Fish’s circumstances have changed from when she was chased out of Gotham? She strides in like a conquering hero, but she has maybe three dudes from Dollmaker’s place working for her, and that’s it. She has no resources to fight Maroni, Falcone or even Penguin.
4. Why would Selina Kyle choose to join the fighting force of a woman who is determined to almost single-handedly take on Gotham’s mobs, but literally rowed up minutes before in a goddamned rowboat?
5. Why was Don Falcone attempting to purchase a live chicken?
6. How did Don Maroni’s men know Falcone would be buying a live chicken at that time and place?
7. Who on Maroni’s team thought it was necessary to bring a rocket launcher to Falcone’s chicken-purchase?
8. How does the entire Gotham City police force get informed that they are no longer working for Don Falcone, but instead Don Maroni?
9. Did Commissioner Loeb have to send out a memo or something?
10. Why does Gordon think he’s done in Gotham after the mob war?
11. Why would Penguin decide to visit Falcone in the hospital even to gloat, when he’s know Maroni’s men are on their way and probably want to kill him at least as much as Falcone?
12. When Gordon stops Penguin from killing Falcone and chains Penguin up to be killed by Maroni’s goons, how did Gordon not realize the favor he owed the Penguin was probably going to come up?
13. Also, wasn’t Gordon supposed to be “a good cop” at some point on this show? He’s beaten suspects, made copious deals with copious criminals, and was literally about to leave two people to be killed before one of them reminded him he owed him a favor. Jesus.
14. And how is Gordon so callous as to leave people to be brutally murdered, but so honorable as to abide by the code of the “I owe you one”? It’s so damn weird.
15. How many times do Gordon, Falcone, Penguin and Bullock (who joins them shortly) get captured by various bad guys but escape only to be immediately captured by bad guys again in last night’s episode? I actually know the answer to this one: Several thousand times.
16. What the hell happened to Selina’s hair? Was Fish aggravated it wasn’t ridiculous enough?
17. What the hell was Ben McKenzie doing with his face when he was trying to get Cat to free him in front of Fish, her new, well-armed boss? If anyone has screencaps of these I would be MOST appreciative.
18. After Fish has offered Maroni the captured Falcone to off at his leisure, why would Maroni decide it was more important to antagonize the crazy woman that just did him a huge favor and who is also holding weapons instead of his long-time, completely helpless foe Falcone?
19. Corollary: Who calls a woman — a single, solitary woman — “babes”?
20. Corollary to the corollary: Why does Don Maroni call Fish “Babes” repeatedly, when it clearly pisses her off and she’s carrying a gun?
21. Who at Gotham wrote down the word “Babes” as a singular name, not once, not twice, but like seven times, and how did no one on the staff — not the editors, the director, the showrunners, anybody — even once say, “Why the goddamn hell is he calling her ‘Babes’ instead of ‘Babe’ like an actual human being would”?
22. After Fish shoots Maroni, why does no one on either side try to shoot Don Falcone, the dude everyone needs to die, even though he’s tied up?
23. So when the Penguin pushes Mooney off that ludicrously high wall into the Gotham harbor below… [puts on sunglasses] couldn’t you say Penguin caught Fish but then released her? [YEEEEAAAAAHHHHHH]
24. When Falcone suddenly decides to retire from being a crime lord, why does Gordon immediately shift gears from “You’re the only person who can keep Gotham from tearing itself apart” to “Enh, fuck it, I’m sure it’ll be okay.”?
25. And why does Jim Gordon suddenly not give a shit about the decades of crimes Falcone has committed as the head of the criminal underworld? So retiring somehow gives him a free pass?
26. Why the fuck would Jim Gordon’s dad give a criminal like Falcone a knife other than the off chance that his son would become a cop, be forced by circumstance to partner with Falcone, and have Falcone develop a respect for the young lawman despite the fact Falcone is a goddamned criminal and Gordon is neither bright nor good at his job?
27. After Ms. Kringle discovers Nygma’s not-at-all subtle clue in the fake Dougherty note, Nygma has a psychotic breakdown. Was this worth waiting 22 episodes for the Riddler to take the very first step towards becoming the Riddler? No it was not.
28. When Bruce realizes Lucius Fox was giving him a clue by calling his father stoic, and then looking for famed stoic and Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius’s book of meditations, why does Bruce keep calling him “Marcus Roolius”?
29. Is anyone surprised that Barbara killed her parents and not the Ogre? Yeah, I didn’t think so.
30. However, why did the Ogre say “Who do you want me to murder?” if he was going to let Barbara do it?
31. Why does Barbara’s insistence that the Gotham City Police Department Medical Examiner, who also happens to be dating Barbara’s ex-lover, do her post-traumatic counseling, not raise any red flags for anybody?
32. Why did Leslie go to Barbara’s apartment for a therapy session and stay there for like 12 hours? What are her rates?
33. I know it worked out for Leslie, since Barbara was trying to murder her, but why on god’s green earth would Gordon, Bullock and Falcone go to Barbara’s apartment after their encounter with Fish and Maroni?
34. When Barbara was trying to murder Leslie, why did she continually growl like a dog?
35. Doesn’t this mean that Jim Gordon named his daughter, the future Batgirl, after a psychotic ex-girlfriend who tried to murder one of his other girlfriends?
36. Is that not the most fucked up thing that has happened in this entire series?
• Look, I would love for Gotham to turn into the smart, Gotham Central-esque procedure we were all hoping for when the show was announced, but I think Gotham’s DNA is too set for it to ever change that much. The show needs to embrace its ridiculousness fully. All I can hope for now is more scenes like the biggest criminal in Gotham City purchasing a live chicken for no reason whatsoever, and for people to continue to call people inexplicable words like Jerk-o and Babes. See you next season, folks!
• The silliness continued on #NextSeasononGotham, if you’re so inclined.
• Oh. If you’ll recall, I ended last week’s recap of Gotham’s penultimate season one episode with a certain prediction:
So that shot of the fireplace revealing a secret something-or-other in Stately Wayne Manor that was in the “Next Week On” preview? It was in last week’s preview, too. I’m calling it right now: This is the final shot of next week’s season finale, which ends with Bruce and Alfred looking down the secret passage, but not revealing what’s in it — exactly like the hatch in the Lost season one finale. I’d love to be wrong, but I don’t think I am.
I’m not going to pretending that I foresaw Revelations or anything, but still — nailed it.
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