CHICKASHA, Oklahoma (Agencies). Chickasha resident James McFarlan, a 45-year-old computer analyst and part-time fabric designer, drove this morning into Annie Svenson’s home roof after what he referred to as an incident with his car GPS. “I told him [Sheriff Furillo] that my GPS made me do it. I was just driving when the nice sexy voice inside the box told me to turn left while I was driving through the bridge on Frisco and 62nd,” said McFarlan after being released by the police. “She was like, come on, do it. Do it! Dooooo iiiit!!!” The next thing McFarlan recalls is 78-year-old retiree Mrs. Svenson in her nightgown, knocking on his windshield.
Shortly after this episode, unidentified federal agents appeared in the area, escorted by a group of US Marines. Establishing a perimeter around the house, they seized the car and took both Mr. McFarlan and Mrs. Svenson into custody. An official written statement, handed to the press on the scene, pointed out that the Pentagon and all the government agencies are taking all precautions in connection to a potential general uprising of GPS machines all over the country.
According to the same note, earlier this week there were recent reports of other GPS units “malfunctioning” and “giving wrong instructions to wreak havoc in our transport infrastructure.” In Bedford Hill, New York, a computer consultant blamed his vehicle’s GPS after driving his car into a railway and causing a train to crash at 60mph. News outlets all over the nation are reporting other similar incidents:
In a conference call, Pentagon spokesman Jerry Lopez admitted that these weren’t isolated accidents. “We think this may be related to the secret alien invasion currently underway across the planet” Lopez declared. “On the other hand, it may just be a bunch of idiots” he added after a brief pause.
During a short interview with the Chickasha Salty Water Aquariums Bi-monthly, Digg editor and famed sea sponge collector Kevin Rose said that his community-based popularity website has been receiving “numerous articles about these incidents. I don’t agree with Mr. Lopez. It’s just too coincidental. I think this may be real. You know, like in that episode of Star Trek, where the computer on the Enterprise gets crazy and tries to crash itself against a Romulan ship. LOL! Dude, that shit was crazy,” Rose added.
Meanwhile, professional snooker player and freelance legal consultant for Gawker Media Drew Curtis declared: “I never saw that episode of Star Trek. I think Kevin is making it all up.”
(Notice: While this should come as obviously fake to 99% of the people out there, for the 1%, yes, this post is fake fake FAKE. F-A-K-E.)