I'm not making a tired funny! Dick Cheney's new implant—a ventricular assist device—needed 'cause his heart is screwed, "leaves most recipients without a pulse because it pushes blood continuously instead of mimicking the heart's own pulsatile beat."

Of course, this presumes he had a pulse in the first place. (I know, I know, that's the bad punchline you were waiting for.) [NYT via Twitter, Image: NYT]