Elon Musk Claims He Can Get Through Customs By Labeling Shipments 'Not a Flamethrower'

Image: Screengrab via the Boring Company
Image: Screengrab via the Boring Company

Chipper villain Elon Musk has been having what appears to be a lot of fun selling dubiously safe Boring Company “flamethrowers,” which despite outrage from some politicians are actually just garden-variety torches packaged to look like a weapon from Portal. He’s sold 20,000 of them for $500 a pop, netting a cool $10 million in the process, and all without actually having to show any further progress on the company’s tunnels!


Alas, according to Musk, this plan has run into an obvious problem: Some places won’t let you ship something called a flamethrower. To solve this dilemma, Musk claims to have come up with a solution: Simply call it “Not a Flamethrower.”

That will definitely solve the problem!!! (If your “Not a Flamethrower” is intercepted by unimpressed customs officials, let us know.)

Time may be of the essence with these purchases, seeing as many of Musk’s customers appear to be trying to flip them ASAP on eBay, so either this will somehow work or some people are going to get mad at him. In any case, at least the re-branding is accurate, and Musk is getting all the press a giddy billionaire’s heart could ever desire.

"... An upperclassman who had been researching terrorist groups online." - Washington Post


A Lantern of Hope

So, we can all finally agree that Musk is a few rivets short of a rocket, right? The intellectual fellatio he’s been getting from the masses can finally end, correct?