Read this first, otherwise none of the following will make sense. – JC
I was on the internet with my buddy Lifehacker.com, looking for good DEALZ on laptops to post. We saw some okay DEALZ, checkin out sites like FatWallet.com Sellout.woot.com and Techbargains, but nothing stood out.
On the drive home I locked all the windows in the car and cut the largest one. You know the kind you push back three times to build up energy? It was like that. You should have seen the look on Lifehacker's face! Epic.
This weird chick Judy from RSS class came up to me today and said that her friend Sellout.woot.com knew who I was and wondered if I knew who she was. I had no idea what she was talking about. Judy says I looked at her when I was shopping or something? That sounds kind of familiar. I think she was the one that had that notebook with a Celeron Processor, which is like, c'mon, we're not in 7th grade anymore. I know sometimes puberty hits late for some people, but...we're graduating next year. But I dunno, maybe she has a good operating system.
Apple MacBook Air Laptop
The M1 chip delivers 3.5x faster performance than the previous generation all while using way less power. Get up to 18 hours of battery life.
Girls are weird. Sellout.woot.com Skyped me today and was like, hey, nice article you wrote. And I was like, what article? And she says, "THIS ONE!" and IMs me this link. Turns out it was a link to Engadget. What a crazyface. On the other hand, she was kinda hot, and offered a good price on an Xbox 360 Pro with 60GB hard drive, so I asked for her ICQ number. For later. Crap, I'm late for Liveblog practice.
So, I took Ain't It Cool News out to a movie because that crazy girl Julie or Judy or something told me that Sellout.woot.com was going to be there. I wanted to make Sellout.woot.com jealous, since that's what my cousin Fleshbot.com told me girls like. She has a lot of girl friends, so I'm sure she knows what she's talking about. Ain't It Cool News was all into it, but to be honest, her big fonts really turned me off. I like a girl with some Lucida Grande. You know, some class.
I just got done working out and I swear Sellout.woot.com was looking at me the whole time. It's hard to tell with girls when they throw out weird signals. One minute they're all looking at you, the next they're unsubscribing from your top stories email list. I don't know, maybe I should just call her. I do kinda need a cheap laptop for the toilet. [Sellout.Woot.com]