Image: NASA

NASA‚Äôs Voyager 1 spacecraft is one of the universe‚Äôs only unproblematic faves. For over 39 years, it‚Äôs been cruising along in space, flying by Saturn and the Kuiper Belt, doing nothing but beaming back beautiful photos and scientific research. Now, the intrepid spacecraft‚ÄĒskirting serenely in interstellar space‚ÄĒis being bombarded with requests for nudes, the pee tape, and least predictably, questions about people‚Äôs dads.

For context: this September marks the big 4-0 for Voyager 1, which means it remembers the time before the internet, so it couldn’t tweet lewd demands at the pope or look up Lemony Snicket’s real identity. So as Voyager’s anniversary approaches, NASA is celebrating by asking the public to share messages for the wholesome spacecraft, using the hashtag #MessageToVoyager. One lucky winner’s message will be beamed to the space probe, which is nearly 13 billion miles from Earth.

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This, predictably, was a mistake.

‚ÄúJoin NASA in celebrating the Voyager mission‚Äôs 40 years of exploring space. Inspired by the messages of goodwill carried on Voyager‚Äôs Golden Record, you‚Äôre invited to send via social media a short, uplifting #MessageToVoyager and all that lies beyond it,‚ÄĚ NASA wrote. ‚ÄúWith input from the Voyager team and a public vote, one of these messages will be selected for NASA to beam into interstellar space on Sept. 5, 2017‚ÄĒthe 40th anniversary of Voyager 1‚Äôs launch.‚ÄĚ (Emphasis ours because, well, you‚Äôll see).

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While some people tweeted pleasant platitudes at the innocent spacecraft, others were a bit more imaginative. Here are just some of the tweets that, for the sake of humanity, we hope NASA will not send into interstellar space:

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And lastly:

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We’ve said it before, but Voyager is probably better off without us.