The Future Is Here
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Here's the Job Application To Be an Astronaut

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If you thought your current job was hard to get (Or are looking for one! Hang in there!), you don't know jack. Check out what it takes to be considered for employment in space. Spoiler: you probably aren't qualified.

The pay seems okay, ($64,724 to $141,715 a year), but considering you need to be in incredible shape, extremely smart, and constantly risk exploding in the atmosphere, maybe a little on the low end?


Other interesting things to keep in mind before requiring:

•You can be short—but not tall. The minimum height is 5-foot-2, but it maxes out at 6-foot-3. Which makes sense, really—you don't want some lanky giant bouncing around the ISS.


•Drug testing is required (bummer).

•"1,000 hours pilot-in-command time in jet aircraft" is a must unless you have three years of "related, progressively responsible, professional experience" (being an astronaut somewhere else?), so, yeah, you better get on that soon.

•Most important demand? "Frequent travel may be required." Yes, frequent travel to outer fucking space.


If you think you're up for the job, apply at USA Jobs by January 27th. Thanks for letting me get that dumb degree in philosophy mom and dad. UGH.