Hershey's Invented a Creepy Rolling Door to Force the Worst Halloween Candy Onto Unsuspecting Kids

Gif: Hershey’s

It’s going to be a challenging year for trick-or-treaters, given that the safest approach to collecting candy is to simply not to. But that hasn’t stopped Halloween die-hards from finding clever ways to distribute treats while still social distancing, including Hershey’s. The company invented a rolling door with a candy slot controlled by remote. It’s a fine idea, but one with a terrible flaw: It only dispenses Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.

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Every year, snack and food-focused blogs roll out their Halloween candy rankings, and every year they incorrectly rank Reese’s products near the top of the charts, including Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, which are often given top Halloween honors. To set the record straight, that opinion is very wrong, and presumably only held by those with compromised palates.

Some credit is certainly owed to Hershey’s for going above and beyond to support a holiday so very crucial to the company’s bottom line. A lot of engineering probably went into the door, which can roam neighborhoods with spooky sounds, lights, and smoke effects while being remotely operated from as far as 5,000 feet. When a child approaches the door and says, “Trick or treat,” a full-sized pack of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups is delivered through an automated slot. But there’s a long list of other Halloween treats that would better justify this marketing stunt, which will probably (unfortunately) attract hordes of kids who won’t properly social distance wherever this rolls up.

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Even in a bite-sized format, chocolate bars like Mars, Snickers, Milky Way, Three Musketeers, Twix, KitKats, Crunch, and yes, even Butterfingers, deserve a higher ranking than the questionably esteemed Reese’s cup. That list of contenders also leaves out region-specific Halloween heavy hitters from international companies like Nestlé and Cadbury. If Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups also had to compete against Aero bars, Crunchie, and Coffee Crisp like they do in Canada, they probably would struggle to break the top 20.

Are Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups the worst Halloween treat? No, they definitely deserve their place in the Halloween hall of fame with their sensible balance of (Hershey’s) chocolate and overly sweetened peanut butter, but after spending an entire childhood trick-or-treating, that combination has become kind of boring. Even lesser-appreciated Reese’s options like the Mini Cups or Pieces can best the classic cups any day, as far as I’m concerned, and I’m convinced the only thing keeping Reese’s classic cups at the top of the annual charts is unwarranted nostalgia. Their peanut butter filling has always come across a little dry to me (please give natural peanut butters a shot) even as a kid who was not very discerning with what he shoved into his mouth on Halloween night.

I’m all for ranking and judging the candy that gets handed out to neighborhood kids on Halloween. These lists are an important tool for adults to keep abreast of candy trends to ensure their homes aren’t bombarded with eggs or toilet paper later that night. But it’s time to stop crowning Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups the Halloween top honors year in and year out. There are other challengers to the throne who are far more worthy of the honor.

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DISCUSSION

Bad take, Reese’s are the tits. I hope you stub your toe every day for the rest of your life.